Daily scribbles and drools... Day 12

Train thoughts

She: I dunno if it's funny or just me being stupid. Once again we are at crossroads. Or rather across each other. Sitting. Grinning. Sly winks. Slyer blushes. I don't understand though. It's all over my face. Forget the face... It's in my eyes. Either you're ignoring what you see or you're choosing not to read anything, masking my love for you away into oblivion. It could be love if you just let us be. Tempted as always to hold your hand, ruffle your hair, lay on top of you, bite your lip, kiss your palm. You turned away, oblivious to my pain. Doesn't what we have work for you?

He: I do see. I really do. And I know the pain I'm causing you because I'm hurting too. But it is what it is. There's nothing here. There can never be. I need more from me before I can need more from anybody. You are too breakable for my rough hands. You should not play with your hair in front of me, nor nibble your bottom lip, not rest on top of me, or look up at me frowning, or curl up in my arms. No more. I'm not ready, I'll never be ready for you. Forgive me, my darling but it's best you forget me. This doesn't work for me anymore.

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 11

Counsellor

The number of people i know personally battling low self esteem is deeply concerning... Be it a marriage gone sour or work wars.

Are we all doing our very best to make sure people are being heard and their complaints addressed? That being said, what are you doing to get out of this funk you are in.

The only person who can have control over your life is you. But you have to see the good in yourself and the good that this world offers. No one can do that for you.

"Faith is seeing light with your heart when all your eyes see is darkness"

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 10

Poli-ticking timebomb

On the threshold of blowing. And dealing with conflict not directly your own shit really helps put things in perspective, about the people you work with and also about your relationships with those you thought would only remain work colleagues. 

Being an amiable and open book kinda person means people trust you with their innermost thoughts. Close buddies to random strangers to even work colleagues.

With great trust comes great responsibility to help them tide through these tough times. It's never easy as a newbie and sometimes, intentionally or otherwise we old hands in an organisation do throw shade on their parade so much so that we make it a choked environment. Learning that we need to step back more often than not and eat humble pie. 

And was again reminded... Listen to those unspoken words. And read body language.

It will help in dealing with tough nuts anywhere and anytime.

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 9

Muru

So, after Nepal and seeing how terribly unfit I was, I decided to start walking home at least thrice a week... Mainly to make sure I had some physical activity happening from an otherwise 9 to 8 desk job!

One of the good things about walking home after a tiring day at the workplace is talking about it with people. After a lot of cajoling, I had the pleasure of Muru's company day before when walking home.

The boy barely speaks two words throughout the day to anyone and I keep telling him to speak up! In a one on one though, he loves sharing and is expressive and I think people just want an opportunity to be heard and not be bull dozed by us enthu-cutlets!

We had a heart to heart conversation about our goals and dreams, how and why we should always push ourselves to keep learning... And that money or the lack of it should never hold us back.

I made it a point to motivate and push him to gain more experience and work hard at self learning... And he was just sooooo pumped. I know how the enthusiasm dies once you reach home, but in my heart of hearts, I always hope, people will see my example as something they can be inspired from --- a girl with limited to no talent but gives her 110% in everything, is always learning and pushing herself, is always wanting to join in conversations and make sure she is staying ahead of the curve... Even with limited resources at her disposal.

Our conversation also took me down a lane I often recollect... Stephanie Barco. I'll always remember her telling me I had a small role in her becoming a lector. She was phenomenal on the mic when reading the liturgy in Church.

For me, inspiring people to be the best they can possibly be... Inspires me to push myself even further. So many of us are walking around with little to no faith in our abilities, in what we can achieve. So i believe that it's the collective responsibility of all those who have so much faith and positivity, to share their belief in another human beings dreams and aspirations.

The sky is not the limit! Keep soaring!!!

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 8

Bloated.

Terribly. Stomach cramps, all the signs of an impending period just that the damn thing won't even start. Get on with it already! I have one week to go on vacation and last thing I want is giving this a free ride.

Got told that probably the dormant fibroid may have something to do with this. If this continues next month, I'll have to get it checked. Something I really wanna avoid.

Total humbug moment happening.

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 7

Fell Fatale....

After today's 5.30 hours of dancing, I knew I was anything but a Femme Fatale. I think we were the three oldest people on the dance floor. 22 minutes of warm up and we were ready to call it quits!

Along with our bodies, our brains couldn't keep up with the steps either. Plenty of times we spanked each other, wacked each other's books with our elbows, seriously for girls who love to dance... Our rhythm just flew out of the window. No, really... We were content being back benchers with limited talent. Lololol.

I found myself looking the first dance form of Lyrical. I really learnt a lot and feel that with practice I could master the routine.

The Urban dance was good for a first time teacher but I think she had to definitely work on her teaching skills.

The third dance of heels was on a Bollywood song but by then Thitli and I were done while the Captain suddenly came to life on the Hindi track. Hahahha. I left cuz nana had been alone at home for too long.

Most of the people had been dancing for awhile. What was amazing to watch was people in different shapes and sizes, guys in boots shaking it for the world to watch and they were killing it! This one trainer - I think her name is Radhika, I became a fan and was really impressed with her grace, emotion and the flawless effort she put into her style.

It was a great experience and I hope my body will recover fast for another 5 hour dance marathon tomorrow. But more than anything, it was definitely nice to have the "Mein Teja Hu" girls together again.

Later days !

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 6

#TalkToTheHand... Bitch.

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 5

Missed three. I remembered to forget looks like.

At home babysitting nana since Dad is travelling. She isn't much trouble except when it's time to give her a bath. My God, it's like bloody soon-to-be Infinity War each time.

Post which she purrs like a kitten.

89 and killing it! Got her a walnut brownie and gave her some minus the walnut, of course. She's like "do you get me one kilo? I'll tell Daddy to pay you."

She's the bomb. Hands down. Dunno what I'd do without her. Really don't wanna think about that messed up shit. 

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 4

Yellow

"Just skin and bones"

Truly!

I completed the Nepal video over the weekend. About two hours sifting through the footage and photographs and about six hours to put it all together. I really really enjoy making videos. And the giggly effect it has on me. Going down memory lane ain't so bad either.

This was Chintu's and my first big ass trek. No matter how much I prepped for it, the truth is, it was a different ball game all together. Four days of climbing... Uphill downhill, flat foot was exhausted. And the ridiculous journey around Nepal prior to the trek beginning on the shittiest roads ever constructed or not, killed my back.

But of all the things we experienced, I'll never forget witnessing the most spectacular sunrise. All the ache, the frozen bones, the no bath for four days, nothing can take away that moment of the heavens parting to show us a beam of Yellow.

JC, in your infinite wisdom and understanding, I thank you for giving me the opportunity to experience that miracle in person and being my constant. Forever and for always.

Yellow.

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 3

Nonima

"What about you?"

The three most precious words I've been taught by none other than this gem of a lady. Every time you hand her something to eat or drink she always asks - what about you? In this sweet small munchkin way. Feel so blessed and light when she says it. Can't not turn around without a happy smile on me face. My nonima is bessssstttteessstttt!!!

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 2

Signs.

I hate them. I love them.

So much so that I'm just observing them because I dunno how to analyse them.

On one hand, I just bid a tearful farewell to Michael Scott or Michael Scarn or I dunno... One of the most insane characters I'll ever have the pleasure of knowing. And on the other, it's a memorable day even though I really need to forget. Yet unable to because of all the .... Signs.

The Office is intense, cringe worthy, howlarious, badass, trashy, like I know my eyebrows have frowned so many times that I've felt a sexual harassment or ethics call was about to be served. I started off with hating Michael but slowly started to relate to him so much so... That I wondered how much of him is in me. So much of what happens in The Office happens at My Office. So many nuances and so many real and reel life moments because you can't stop the signs... When he serves his two weeks, and when he finally departs in Season 7... such a hanging by a thread moment. Much you will be missed, Yoda.

And then there's you. Always you. Surprisingly for the longest time. Was thinking the other day that besides T-Man no one has taken up so much mindspace. It's not intense like the former but a more quiet and patient understanding of those thoughts and feelings. The recall factor, I've learnt, doesn't need to be a bad thing. Taking it in my stride. There is a slight itch to wish but just have to flash the last meet up in my head to bow down and put my phone away.

Apri Fool's Day or Easter Sunday... Commitment to Operation #Goodbye began. Ended it poetically by listening to Goodbye by Miley Cyrus too. But everyday since then the signs have started. Or you just tend to see the signs. I sigh a sad smile. There's nothing to do except keep marching on like the Saints.

Ain't no sunshine when I'm gone...

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 1

Gonna put in effort and try and get a word in here every day.

Daily scribbles and drools... decided to call it this magum opus as I stand waiting to catch a 40, 225, 348, 448, 525... Anything which will drop me to the highway. 

I think this exercise would be good if I wrote at the of the day but I see that as a perpetual challenge. So I'm gonna try accomplishing this every morning. 

The kidney and ze Stones really seem to be breaking me 'bones. It's usually in the morning and when I'm about to go to bed. I wonder why. Today it's a little more painful while standing. May need to go to the doc for round two. I really don't wanna have surgery.

I'm drinking at least five bottles of water now. I mean if you put a seed in my gullet, you are sure to have a small plant sprouting within two days. Guaranteed (":

Okay, there's the bus. Gotta run! Have fun!