Kashmir - A walk to remember...

When I decided to agree to Kashmir over Thailand, I didn't think much about it. The goal was to just get out of Mumbai. I wanted either a time out or a time out, permanently.

My soul is exhausted. Beyond anything I've been feeling these last couple of years and now that the BIG 3.0 comes closer, it's starting to break, at the drop of a speck of dust. So how can a getaway, in a land torn by war and fictitious peace, a land where tales of human suffering make headlines in the inside pages of every National paper daily, a land which our neighbour's claim as a masterpiece in their jigsaw puzzle --- piece the fragments of my wayward soul?

While my (AAA) plane hovered over Srinagar's skies just before landing, all I could think of is, will this journey heal me 'or' be the end of me? Will I make my peace or return to Mumbai in pieces? Will I forgive myself or will I return an empty shell.

My first stop was Srinagar. It took an hour to reach but that hour seemed infinite as I drank in everything and anything that is a new city. The air was pure and pristine. The trees were dancing. The sky - a perfect hue. The smiles (even behind veils) were genuine. The customary greetings of "warai chakay" were music to my ears.

It was a perfect day!

Yet, the cynic in me couldn't believe that this was real. It couldn't be, right? I mean, come on. I've lived in Toronto for two years and if you compare both habitats, everything is similar --- and yet, how come Kashmiris, who've seen, heard and gone through so much in life, be so much more loving... caring... giving...?

It can't be real, no way.

From wading through the silent Dal Lake in a Shikara, stopping at the Char-e-Chinar, staring in rapt glee at the Zabarwan Mountains as I silently prayed that I'd never forget their strength and solitude, from heading back to our beautifully kept house-boat to having a meal fit for a queen - it was such a blessing to end my first day in Kashmir on such a high note. Can't forget to mention Bilal and Mushi, Mushu and Mushay!

My second day's itinerary was to head to Gulmarg - for the Gondola Cable ride. I also have to mention that I'm a very seasoned, yet poor traveller who lived on Avomine throughout this trip 'cause my tummy wasn't acting like a honey.

I kept saying that if I ever moved to Kashmir, Avomine's mallik's would make a decent sale with my subscription.

The ride to Gulmarg included a stop at an Apple farm which also doubled and trippled as a Pear farm, Pomegranate farm, Walnut farm etc. But it was nice to experience. I was surprised that I'd be staying overnight in Gulmarg. My travel agent - Kings Holidayz, decided the confirmed itinerary that was shared needed a major overhaul. There were no complaints.

The Gondola Cable Ride was another thing altogether. The total journey of 14,000 feet above sea level, is made up of two elevations where you can either choose to get off at the first stage or change cars and carry on. Looming large, in my face was the Apervath Mountains with its peaks covered in fragments of ice-slush snow and saw people sledding, going on a pony ride, having a steaming cup of coffee - 14,000 feet high!

A trek to the summit was in order and I slowly made my way to the top and then down again a bit - drinking in the far off snow clad peaks, the pleasant yet chilly weather, watching the CRPF always patrolling the area, and the multitudes of boulders around me.

And as I sat and closed my eyes, the tears fell. Silent ones, not the heart pounding ones, just the quiet ones - of the pleasure of being witness to so much majestic brilliance in our land and the magic that it was playing on my soul.

The temples, mosques, the one church and gurudwara that we visited - each had a persona of its own. Each told a vibrant story and yet it was artfully presented - not over the top. The view of Srinagar from the Shankaracharya Temple will, hopefully, forever be etched in my memory.

Sitting on the car's luggage carrier, dancing on the roads, seeing the world through Om's skies and eyes, rolling down hills right outside the church and into the golf course, sledding minus the sled, puffing away the cold, way past bedtime conversations, Kulfi stopovers, dancing on the road, sleeping on the road, snaan ka tashaan, fake white water rafting, dipping hands and feet in ice ice @#&%%##^#$#@ baby water, Tabak Maaz...

I honestly don't know what captured my very spirit. I can't pinpoint when I fell in love with this divine out-of-this-WORLD location and its people.

Was it when I headed to Betaab Valley, Chandanwari and Aru Valley or was it when I got on my three month pregnant Ma Cherie - "Cheery Bulbul", as she took me trotting, albeit with me a little uncertain, to Neelnag and Doodh Ganga or that mind boggling single Kashmiri red rose which was a deal breaker at Nishat Baug to finding solace in the Lidder River.

On the cuisine: I missed out on the Wazwan but I ended up gobbling so much mutton, I think I ate about 4 goats in 10 days. True story!

Rogan Josh, Gustaba, Rishta, and I've forgotten the other names.... sigh* - the mind wanders...

So much more I'd love to say, but I can't put it into words. This is my dedication to Kashmir, its beautiful hospitality, wonderful people and culture, and its genuine genuineness in a world which rarely sees an open face - Mera Pranam.

Hum tere bin ab reh nahi sakte
Tere bina kya wajood mera 
Tujhse juda gar ho jaayenge
Toh khud se hi ho jaayenge judaa

Tera mera rishta hai kaisa
Ik pal door gawara nahi
Tere liye har roz hai jeete
Tujh ko diya mera waqt sabhi
Koi lamha mera na ho tere bina
Har saans pe naam tera

Tere liye hi jiya main
Khud ko jo yun de diya hai
Teri wafa ne mujhko sambhala
Saare ghamon ko dil se nikala
Tere saath mera hai naseeb juda
Tujhe paake adhoora naa raha hmm.

Kyunki tum hi ho
Ab tum hi ho
Zindagi ab tum hi ho
Chain bhi, mera dard bhi
Meri aashiqui ab tum hi ho

Now... GASDAFA back to work! :P

Then you're being selfish.

Am I?
For never standing in the way?
For always having to let go? For always being asked to walk away?
For always being made to feel like an option? For always feeling second best?

Am I wrong to want to be selfish for once even though it's beyond this realm - beyond impossible.

And yet, nothing is impossible.

There's so much power in a "perhaps" or a "maybe". I realise now that, that is where my hope would lie in. Perhaps... Maybe if...

I know what I saw. I know what I felt. I know what I heard. I know what I touched. I know what it meant.

But the weight barely exists now because I've been told to forget. Everything. It didn't exist.

Choke on that dream; it was only a mirage - a sea in your stupidity.

There was nothing. It was nothing.

This too shall pass. My soul is no longer tired because my soul no longer exists.

It's reached an impasse that I don't wish to ever cross. Decisions will be made for me since my choices seem to hold no sway over man or beast.

I've always said: I'm the biggest fool in the world. The "real" Shalimar the Clown. I am the street.

Today, I am nothing.