Wingardium Leviosa!

Friday, December 28, 2012

Love - Don't leave me hanging. Again.

Love - Can you conquer it all?
Cause I sure don't believe we can have it all.

Rich in spirit
But ain't got two paise in my wallet
And you know what...
Life ain't that bad - got it?

I don't care... really
Oh wait - I do
Why you walkin around here
Tryin a play me for a fool

Just let your guard down man
Stop tryin so damn hard to be cool

I got mah eyes on you.
I got mah spies on you.

So,
Forget the war paint
Forget the strings
Forget the booze
Forget the facade

It's me. I'm me. And I'm real.

Deal with it.

Lights off.

We're done here.

Bitches.

~CBS.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Reflection

The light within her flickers thin
Diminishing, fading...
Melting whites... pinks... blues
All the hues, hanging loose.

Starlight, starbright
A fallen angel weeps herself to sleep each night
Cleanse her soul, hide the pain,
Let Love within her grow once again.

~CBS

Friday, November 2, 2012

The Act of Contrition

Oh my Lord, I'm heartily sorry for having offended thee,
And I detest my sins,
Because I dread the loss of Heaven and the pains of Hell
But most of all, because they displease you, My Lord,
You who are all good and deserving of all my love.
I firmly resolve, with the help of your grace,
To confess my sins, to do penance and to amend my life.

Amen.
P.s: When my nanima aka nana taught Chelson and me our prayers as kids, we learned them in a jiffy. Yet, somehow I could never get the Act of Contrition down pat. It took me 23 years and a frozen Canadian evening, where I spent time in Church and read by learning to believe in what I was reading. Thanks Uncle Nuno for taking me for the Wednesday Novena's and helping me learn a prayer which keeps me from harm and sin every single day.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

They. We. You. I.

Find her a guy, they said.
Find her a guy, they said.
He kept beating her... Till she was dead.

Get her married, they said.
Get her married, they said.
He chained and starved her... Till she was dead.

Why no children, they said.
Why no children, they said.
They mentally tortured her... Till she was dead.

Where's the whore, they said.
Where's the whore, they said.
She kept stabbing him... Till he was dead.

~CBS.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Welcoming Life, Cheating Death (The point between Rage & Serenity)

Two major events happening in my life.

(1) After nine months, a friend delivers a healthy baby boy.
'Neath a load of guilt and shame

Flip coin

(2) After a few years of battling AIDS, a friend's mom fights for survival.

While one hand of mine felt a child's warm body, the other hand grasped a frail mother's bedside as she struggles to live for her three young daughters after their father passed away, thanks to the disease.

I'm struggling inside cause this is how unfair life is. Unfair for the eldest daughter who has two young mouths to feed. Unfair cause her relatives are ready to pounce on the small chawl they call home IF the mother dies. Unfair cause I don't think WE as a society, including my Church are doing enough to tell this teenager - You're not alone. I am with You.

When I felt that newborn's heartbeat and his mother's tender love - my anguish was complete.

I've stopped questioning God - Why he? Why she? Why not me? I've stopped.

But I seethe with rage, happless. What else can I do? What else do I do?

Why?

Cause of the haphazard system we have in place for children who are left to fend for themselves, cause of the fallacies of a society standing by silently as a mother fights a losing battle for life, as a forlorn girl fights alone for her parents few belongings, for the lack of a support system to help with medical bills, legal issues, an education for her siblings.

If any one is reading this - please do pray, really PRAY for the new baby, for the mom who wants to live and for my beautiful friend - to give her the strength for the tough road ahead and may she always remember - You are not alone.

That's all I ask.

I want to end with these words which have been swimming in my mind the entire day.

God bless mommy and match box cars
God bless dad and thanks for the stars
God hears "Amen," wherever we are
And I love you

Godspeed, little man

Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams

~Godspeed (Sweet Dreams) by the Dixie Chicks

Monday, October 1, 2012

Erase & Rewind


Gurgaon, August 2012

I feel like a song without the words
A girl without a soul
A bird without its wings
A heart without a home.
I feel like a knight without a sword
The sky without the sun
Cause you are the one.

I feel like a ship beneath the waves
A child who's lost its way
A door without a key
A face without a name.
I feel like a breath without the air
And everyday's the same
Since you walked away.

They tell me that a girl can lose her mind
Living in the pain
Recalling times gone by
And crying in the rain.
You know I've wasted half my time
And I'm on my knees again
Till you come to me.

I gotta have a reason to wake up in the morning
You used to be the one who put a smile on my face
There are no words that can describe how I miss you
And I miss you everyday.

Still holding on
I can't let you go
Cause when I'm lying in your arms
I know I'm home.

~DB Edited ~CBS

Saturday, September 15, 2012

(Eye) was there... at Antarchakshu!

Today was a beautiful blessing. I got to experience something incredibly unique... Becoming sightless.

I'm half blind as it is without my glasses. And if someone were to turn off the lights without me in possession of my double batteries is downright petrifying. That's exactly what I felt as that's exactly what happened today.

St. Xavier's College (my alma mater) every year plays hosts to Antarchakshu aka The Eye Within, a sensitisation event organised by the XRCVC to wade through the waters that the visually challenged pass through each and every day.



The blind girl and her stick

Cal tried getting me to come for the festival last year but due to XYZ reasons I was unable to. This year, joining Cal, were Imran and Samantha who pitched in - "You should experience this. Make time for it and go".

I walked into Xavier's and at once the memories came flooding back with Rupam and Saloni and me running around acting mad, the first time I saw MAL, falling of the high risers and getting an applause, banana milkshake, the foyer, sitting in the woods, MALHAR... lol.

As I stood in line to get into the college hall which was covered by mysterious black curtains, I seriously was left wondering - What is going on? Someone could hurt themselves in there!

Today, I decided to wear my glasses and when they asked me to get rid of them I was apprehensive as I was in unfamiliar territory.

Anyway, I took them off (which I pinned to my blouse), I was given an eye mask to wear, they gave me a the white-tipped cane that visually impaired people use and was told to follow the voice as I walked into the black abyss.

SHIT.

That's like someone telling you to jump off a cliff - no rope attached.

I tried paying attention by listening to that omnipresent voice who kept urging me to use the stick as a guide. I cheated a bit during the first hurdle, by looking down with my eyes open, if I happened to touch anything with my feet - but then I realised - the whole purpose was defeated if I was going to win by cheating.

With some self counseling and motivation, I shut my eyes real tight and finished all the tasks in true spirit, but not before getting emotional.

Jatin, Ravi and Ashish

You see, when I was doing my Arts programme from Xavier's in 2001-02, Jatin and Ravi - were my classmates who were visually challenged. Rupam, Saloni and me used to assist them with note-taking, even becoming writers for them during exams. I grew to love being of service to them so much that I began to write a few exams for students even in Wilson College. I used to borrow their books and study as well. I know I shouldn't have but yeah, sue me. (:

Then came someone who has been a great role model and inspiration - Ashish Goyal. Of all the people in the world, I had the amazing opportunity to assist Ashish while he was preparing for his GMAT exams to study abroad. He is really a symbol for everyone sighted and non-sighted to take every hurdle thrown at them and learn how to turn it into a curve ball. Google him, if you want to read about his story.

When I was going through those hurdles, all those moments and interactions began hitting me one after the next in my sightless world. I remembered, at times, losing my patience if I was taking Ravi and Jatin to Marine Lines station when they weren't walking fast enough or if they were taking down their notes slowly in Braille. Even with Ashish - I would feel sleepy while reading out his questions to him and he would say, "Chelsea - stay alert!" I'd feel like a louse after that cause here was a guy who's gradually turned sightless and yet has the sharpest mind I've ever come across.

Today, I'm proud to say that because of their hard work and perseverance, Jatin works at Deloitte while Ravi is employed at Allahabad Bank. And Ashish - JPMorgan! I'm super proud of even knowing them, forget anything else. Kudos!

Learning to appreciate my poor vision

With laser surgery available for those of us who've got a number, the option seems easy. But now when I think about it, why do I need to get laser surgery done? I'm comfortable with my glasses. And honestly, I've grown to accept this nerdy professor look I've got going.

When there are those without vision but who make the most of life - why do I need to play with the little vision that God has given me?

Hey - if you got your eyes corrected, good for you. It's just not gonna be something I'll ever think about again, that's for sure.

Back to the maze

After the first task of walking through a road which had innumerable hurdles, the next task was to play football. Seriously, the sightless can kick a ball! I scored a goal today, just FYI.

From learning to identify the difference between Indian coins - the old Rs 5, 2 and 1 to the stupid new coins which even we, with full vision can't distinguish, to having a typing test on a computer which had voice recognition (I scored a zero - forgot what a keyboard looked like) to drawing a triangle on a particular piece of paper. But, the highlight for me was definitely walking on a tightrope in air!

After the maze, we were shown an audio-visual which talked about what life feels like for those without the gift of sight.

We were then taken through a series of posters of what visually challenged people go through daily, what systems are in place to help make their lives a little easier (be it home, school or work) and what more needs to be done. Would you believe the amount of progress that has been made to employ my friends? I was shocked. In fact, I could use a couple of them myself. All the special educators, volunteers and students were well versed with the latest technologies that are in place to hire them. It was really great to see everyone on the same page.

I also had the amazing opportunity to interact with two gentlemen - Sriram and Kailash who shared their remarkable stories and experiences and I hope I get down to chronicling them soon.

“He knows the water best who has waded through it.”

Going by this famous Danish proverb, students, ex-students, corporates were invited to come and experience these waters to see if they are calm, turbulent or lie somewhere in between.

To enhance our social responsibility of creating an inclusive society, what is needed is an expansion in our In-sight… and Antarchakshu did just that.

Highlighting the above theme, this year they focussed on accessibility in the following areas:

Education, Financial Services and Employment Opportunities.

With the theme - "Breaking Barriers, Achieving Access" - I left the event feeling they were successful in breaking barriers for at least one who considers herself partially sightless.

P.S: With the success of Antarchakshu at Xaviers, Mumbai, the event is going to take place at JNU in Delhi next month. I'll update this post when I get further updates and details but if you're based out of Delhi, do go as it will help you become more sensitive to their world.

Antarchakshu New Delhi 2012 will be held on 4, 5 and 6 October 2012 at the Jawaharlal Nehru University Convention Centre. The event will be inaugurated by Hon’ble Shri Mukul Wasnik, Minister for Social Justice & Empowerment, Government of India at 12pm on 4 October.

2012. The event will continue till 5.30pm on the same day; and will be held between 10am and 5.30pm on 5 and 6 October. To read more, click here

If you'd like to read more about Antarchakshu, XRCVC, St. Xavier's College, Ashish:

http://www.xrcvc.org/
http://www.xaviers.edu
http://iseeindia.com/2011/12/04/ashish-goyal/
http://aninsaneodyssey.blogspot.in/2007/12/here-we-begin.html

Few images of me from the event (:


Everyday in the life of a ...

Getting oriented with the dart board







Talking to the Head of the dept Prof Sam with class buddy Jatin and the old days



Interacting with Sriram

Epic fail at the keyboard



Taking a good shot blind folded


Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Step... on Me

Le Meridien, Kochi backwaters, August 2012
Be still my poor heart, be still

There's no bosom to rest thy head

No comfort to seek, no room to weep

Be still my poor heart, be still



Be still my poor soul, be still

For long are the days to mourn

Don't count the hours, from dusk to dawn

Be still my poor soul, be still



Be still, my poor love, be still

Let's walk away from them all

Nought in life's journey is easy to walk

Be still my poor love, be still


~CBS


Sunday, September 2, 2012

Benaraswalle jhoot nahi bolte!


By Cal D'Sylva on Saturday, September 11, 2010 at 1:23am.

On the 31st of August, 2010, something out of the ordinary came to pass.

It was the fifth day of the continuous downpour. After class, Saba, Priya & I got into a rickshaw. On our way to Santacruz station from S.N.D.T., Juhu, we asked the driver to take a detour since both Saba & Priya had to pick up a book each. As we approached the book-store near Podar World School, my peers requested me to get off the rickshaw & buy the books, since I was the one at the ‘entrance/exit’. Considering the heavy rains & the number of bags & other belongings that my friends were ‘occupied ’ with, I decided that that was, in fact, the smarter thing to do.



Now I, myself, had a handbag & a carrybag (for my papers) & an umbrella. When it came time for me to get off & buy the books, I gave Saba my carrybag (with my papers). Then, I saw that they had more than enough to deal with. So, while they were busy rummaging around their bags for money to give me, I just glanced behind to check if there was any space to keep my handbag (which was heavy & would’ve been a li’l too much for me to dump on to Saba + I didn’t want to carry any extra weight to the store & back). Seeing some space at the back, I placed my bag in the ‘dickey’ of the rickshaw & ran to the book-store with the money & my umbrella.
I entered, got the books, paid the shopkeeper & was out of there in just about a minute or so. As I left the shop, I began looking around but couldn’t see them. Suddenly, I hear, “Cal...” & I looked to see Saba & Priya standing a few steps away from the book-store. I asked them what had happened, & they said that they saw this guy selling frankies & they felt like munching on some, so they got off. I asked them where the rickshaw was. “He’s gone... we paid him off...”, they smiled. Immediately, I asked them where my bag was & they both happily showed me my carrybag which I had given to Saba. I cried out, “Not this one... my handbag!!!”

They looked towards each other & then looked at me & said, “You didn’t take it with you?! We thought you had it. There was nothing in the rick. How come we didn’t see it?” I, then, told them that I had kept it in the back of the rickshaw & explained my reason for doing so. We were on the lookout for the same rickshaw, which, by then, was nowhere in sight. At that point, Priya remembered that when they had gotten off, there was a student of Podar who boarded it & requested the driver to take him to Linking Road. Then we began searching for an unoccupied rickshaw to go towards Linking Road. We found one & jumped in.

On the way, we kept peeping into all the rickshaws which had blue/black ‘curtains’ which the previous rickshaw had, to shield the passengers from the rainwater. Both, Priya & Saba, kept telling me that when they got off from the previous rickshaw, the fare was Rs. 11 & neither of them had a 1-rupee coin to give the driver along with the Rs. 10 note, & he was nice enough to not make a big deal out of receiving a rupee less. They said that he seemed to be an honest man & probably, if he saw the bag, he would return it. The girls asked me what all I had in my bag.

With whatever remaining sanity I had in me, I could think of my books (which had all the notes that I had taken down since day one) & my wallet (with my Citibank ATM/Debit card, my PAN card & some cash). The girls insisted that I call up the bank & block my Debit card. Every time I tried calling, I got the machine & was then put on hold & after a while the call would get disconnected. My friends even narrated the incident to the current driver. He asserted that it would be very difficult to find the same rickshaw.

Now, for those who are unaware, Linking Road is this long stretch which gets its name from ‘linking’ different parts of the city. We were still on Linking Road... but ‘how far do we go?’ was a question on all our minds! Finally, Saba decided that we should register an FIR. So, we asked the driver to take us to the Police Station. He did. We reached Khar Police Station.

This was my first time at a Police Station & from what I heard later, it was Priya’s first time, too & Saba had only been to one earlier for her passport formalities. Anyway, Priya entered & spoke to an officer who was available. She explained the situation to him. He stated that since this happened at Santacruz, if the driver did return the bag, he would take it to the Santacruz Police Station. Nevertheless, he took down my name & contact number, just in case the bag landed up there. At once, we left the place & boarded another rickshaw back to Santacruz. We kept wondering, ‘What if the driver saw the bag & went back to Podar?’.

Once at the Santacruz Police Station, we saw an inspector who was already busy conversing with a man. He looked at us & we told him that a handbag had gotten left behind in a rickshaw, & then he said, “Aise kaise reh gaya? Haath mein nahi pakadte ho... isne kaise pakda hai!” (pointing to Saba). I just tried to describe the situation to him. He, then, enquired what was in the bag & when I mentioned my ATM card, he asked if I had blocked it. I told him that I had tried calling but I wasn’t successful in getting through to the Customer Care. So, he instructed me to call them from the land-line at the Police Station. I did. I was finally able to contact the Citibank Customer Care & within a minute of providing my information, the card was blocked. I informed the inspector that it was done. He, subsequently, summoned a junior inspector (I think) & instructed him to fill out the required form.

The junior inspector began taking down my information. He had to make a note of what was in the bag. I mentioned my books. He said, “Jo zaroori hai woh batao”. I explained that the books were important because it contained all my notes. So, he agreed to note it down. Now, because I was so out of my mind, I couldn’t recall how many books I was carrying for sure. I knew there were a minimum of two books. But I couldn’t remember exactly, so, I told him I had three books. Other than that, I asked him to note down the PAN card & the Citibank ATM card. I just couldn’t think of anything else. Priya reminded me that I had my library-card & my pen drive. So, those, too, went down on the form. All the while, I hoped that if the driver did consider returning the bag, he would contact me directly. Although, I wondered how that would be possible since none of my cards (ATM, PAN) had my contact number on them. But, the library card & the fact that we boarded the rickshaw from S.N.D.T. could have helped the driver to track me.

By then, it was around 5:30 p.m., so, Saba decided to take a rickshaw home & drop me off at Goregaon. We said bye to Priya & boarded a rickshaw. On the way, while chatting with Saba, I was trying to visualize my bag & all that was in it. I already began making plans to cope with the loss. Saba offered to give me her notes. Then, I began picturing my wallet, one section after another. I wasn’t too upset about the money since it was about Rs. 100 + some 10s & 20s. Then it struck me that I had my Driving License in it, with my home address. I still wasn’t too restless until I realized that I had my house-keys in there, too! Now, the safety of my home was at stake. Whoever got hold of my bag, had free access to my house!

Saba dropped me off & offered me money to reach home. I got off & began walking. I continued walking & thinking about how bad my friends must be feeling even though it wasn’t anyone’s ‘fault’. I reached home & informed dad about the state of affairs. I said that we would need to change the locks. I got into the room & wept. I didn’t know what to do. This was the first time I had ever lost something major! Previously, I had (only) lost people... through death or broken relationships! & even though, those situations were far worse, this was the first time I had to interact with the cops. Anyway, I went ahead & got ready to attend the second day of the novena for the Nativity Of Our Lady. Later, dad showed me an article that had appeared in the T.O.I., just the previous day (30th August, 2010) - which provided contact numbers of the Mumbai Taximen's Union. I tried contacting them but I guess it was too late in the day since no one answered.

On my way to church, I met Anita & her mother. I narrated the events to Anita & requested her to pray. During Mass, after the Holy Communion service, we are generally encouraged to maintain silence for thanksgiving & personal prayer. On this particular day, the priest invited us to think of one specific intention that we had & bring it to Mother Mary & appeal to her to pray for that petition. I smiled. ‘God works in mysterious ways’, I thought. After Mass, I told Fr. that my bag had gotten left behind in the rickshaw & I asked him to pray. I then met Karen & asked her to pray, too.

Once back home, I decided it was about time I informed mom. I asked dad to give her a call. I spoke to mom & told her everything. She said not to worry & to just go ahead & pay attention to my work. I had my dinner & watched T.V. Finally, I began my work. While writing, I got a call from a friend of mine. Again, he ‘happened to call on the right day’. After hearing what had happened, he felt bad about it, as expected, but told me to “think of the bag as being gone & then if it comes back it would be good”. I said, “Yeah”... because I had already kind of told myself that! I continued with my work for some more time before deciding to call it a day.

The next morning, I left for college with a sling-bag from my brother’s cupboard. It was so light! I didn’t have much to carry- just my papers that remained with me & my umbrella. I left home with some money. Luckily, just before getting onto the railway bridge, I realized that I needed to buy myself a ticket since I had also lost my train-pass. I went ahead & bought a coupon booklet, punched the necessary amount of coupons, travelled to Santacruz & reached college.

When I entered class, both Saba & Priya seemed very sad & disheartened. None of us knew what to say or do. The lecture began. After about an hour or so, our professor had to go to the office for some work. Shamim was seated next to me. Generally, ‘when the cat is away the mice are at play’, so she decided to check her phone for calls/ messages. Suddenly, I heard her saying to someone on the phone, “Aapko ye number kahaan se milaa?... Ji! Main Calveena D’Sylva ko jaanti hun!” I couldn’t believe my ears! I just turned towards her with my eyes almost popping out! I practically grabbed the phone from her... & I heard her telling Saba & Priya, “Calveena ka bag mil gaya!” I spoke to the man. He said, “Madam, aapne rickshaw main bag chhoda tha?”. I exclaimed, “Haan!”. I couldn't believe it... & yet... I could! I asked him where he was & he said that his brother was the one whose rickshaw we had boarded & that as we were speaking, his brother was somewhere near college enquiring about me! I was ready to run down to the security but he said that the bag was with him in their room. So, I asked if he would be coming towards college. He explained that it wouldn't be possible to return the bag that day but may be the next day (1st September, 2010). I was fine with it. No, I was more than fine... I was elated!

I asked him when he would like me to meet him & he said at 7:30 in the morning. Although college begins only at 9:30, I had absolutely no issues coming in early, as long as I was going to get the things back! I thanked him with a deep sigh of relief. By then, Ma’m had entered & the girls told her what had happened & she exclaimed, “Arre, zor se bolo, ‘THANK YOU!’”. Now all this while, I was chatting on my friend's mobile phone because apparently, the man found her number in my book & tried it out. I couldn't remember ever writing down her number in my bo
ok! I thought it possibly happened sometime at the beginning of the course. But, I still was unsure because I normally save contact numbers directly onto my phone as I don’t want them to be misused if someone else comes across them. Anyway, the lecture continued as per schedule.


After we were done with the lecture, Saba called & informed her mom about the good news. Shamim told me that when she checked her phone during the break, she was wondering who she received 7 missed calls from. I was thanking God for the man having called all those times. I took his number from Shamim & gave him a call during the lunch break. I said he could save my number & I asked him, once more, if it was, at all, possible for him to come towards college that day, since I’d be there till 5:30 in the evening. He said, “Madam, gaadi 6 baje ko hi nikaalunga”. So, I told him that I didn’t mind waiting back & requested if he could meet me the same evening. He agreed. I kept thanking him.

During the lunch break, Priya thought of informing her mom about what had happened & that’s when I remembered that I, too, had to let my dad know. In the evening, most of the girls left class around 5 - 5:30. Priya decided to wait back with me... she told me to call & make sure that he was, in fact, going to meet us that day itself! So, I called him & he confirmed that he would come over later. Then, we left the classroom, walked around the campus for a while, went to the canteen & then again continued walking around because we had to wait for him, as it is. I checked the time & it was about 6:15 p.m. I told Priya about it & she just had one thing to say, “Indian Standard Time! You wait.” Ultimately, it was almost 6:30 p.m., when he called & said that he would reach in another half hour.

Priya didn't wait too long to say, “Come, we'll go to Juhu beach!”. I somehow knew that I'd hear that, sooner or later! Now, since she was accompanying me, I thought, 'Why not?' & in any case, I didn't have anything else in mind at the time. So, we walked. We went to Juhu beach & I took some photos of the beautifully-lit sky! I kept telling Priya that I was unhappy about having to miss the novena that evening. While we were there, I got a call from dad, telling me that he would be leaving the house & he just called to check whether I needed the keys... & then he said, “Haan, anyway, you’ll get your keys now”. Priya & I spent a short time there, but obviously my mind was on the bag, so, I told Priya that we should probably get going, in case the driver would reach college & call us, I didn't want to make him wait for us after the already huge favour that he was doing! Hence, we got back... & kept walking around the campus like before.

At last, he called & enquired where I was & I asked him where he was. He had reached college so, I told him that I'd come out to the main gate. & there they were- the two brothers- they gave me the handbag & asked me to check that everything was still in! I took the bag & kept thanking them profusely. They both stepped out of the vehicle & the man who drove us the previous day- the big brother- began telling Priya all the thoughts that ran through his head after he saw the bag. Meanwhile, I opened up the bag & guess what the first thing I saw was... Rebecca's book!

I screamed to Priya, “THIS IS BECCA'S BOOK!!!!!”. I was thanking God so much because as I mentioned earlier, I didn't mind or rather I had tried to make peace with losing my books... I had thought of solutions to it; & I was going to be fine. Apart from that, back at the Police Station, I couldn’t remember the exact number of books I had in my handbag, because I had totally forgotten that I even had Rebecca's diary with me. Rebecca is one of the few people who really writes... I mean, even when our professors give tiny details that others don’t note down, she does! & what was even more chilling was that this diary contained the notes of all the 5 papers (subjects)!!!!! I didn't know what I was feeling... because if I had lost that, I don't know how I would've coped. I'd have that on my mind for the rest of my life!

Later, I opened my wallet & began checking for all the 'important' things that I could remember were in there- my ATM card, my PAN card, my Driving License, my library cards, the money etc. Then, I remembered to look for my house keys & all this while, our ever-smiling driver was narrating the events that transpired since the previous evening. & then, when I was about done, he looked at me & asked what happened.. “Sab kuch hai, na?!”, he confirmed. I replied saying I just didn't know what to give them for their act of kindness. If I remember correctly, he said, “Nahi, bas, saamaan mil gaya na, aapko!” Then I decided to give him the money that I had in my wallet.

So, I took out the Rs.100-note & gave it to the driver who had driven us the previous day (the elder brother). He refused to take it & said, “Nahi, isne sab kiya, to isko de deejeeye”, pointing to his younger brother who had made all those calls. So, I gave the money to the younger brother & then Priya & I didn’t know what to do next, so, we said, "Acchha, teekh hai... thank you". Just then, the younger brother pointed towards the elder one & said, “Inko bhi kuch deejeeye”! I told them that I had given whatever I had & I was just left with some change (10s & 20s) which I was taking out to give our driver. Then, Priya decided that she'd give him another Rs.100. After that, we thanked them again & turned to walk away.

Now, I normally carry a few passport photos of myself in my wallet, in case I suddenly have to fill any form or ID card which requires my photo. So, apparently, both the brothers had taken one photo each when they came to college to ask for me. They sincerely returned the photos & I thanked them again. Then, as we turned to leave, the elder brother called out, “Abhi aap station hi jaa rahe ho, na? Hum bhi uss taraf jaa rahe hain... hum chhod denge”. I looked at Priya & then we both got into the rickshaw with the younger brother driving & the elder brother in the passenger seat with us!

Even on the way, they kept saying how people were telling them that it could be a bomb or something like that & yet, they chose to believe that since we were college students, it wouldn't have been anything of that sort. I told them how that was also one of the thoughts that crossed my mind- if they saw a bag left behind they could easily have thought of it as an explosive because of all that we have been witness to in the past. The elder brother was quite a talker. He said, “Aap, hamein gaali deeye honge”. I assured him that I did no such thing. From the time the girls mentioned the previous evening that he didn’t mind them paying a rupee less than the fare. I knew he was a noble person. He continued explaining, “Ek machli kharab hoti hain to saari machliyaa kharab nikalti hain, woh baat to hai... lekin... ” Then the younger brother added, “Hum Benaras ke hain. Benaraswalle jhoot nahi bolte!”

When we came close to the signal which is a minute away from the Railway Station, the elder brother suggested to the younger one that they go straight ahead & asked us if it was alright if they dropped us there. Obviously, we were more than grateful for everything that they had done for us. We got off & walked towards the station. I called Saba & Shamim to tell them what had happened because they had both sent messages earlier to find out whether I got the bag. Then, I got in the train & once I reached Goregaon, I called my friend to tell him about as much as I could at that time. He asked me whether I had the name of the drivers. I said that I did & then he advised me to write an article about them in the newspapers to let the world know that such good people still exist! & even though he doesn't have much idea about facebook, he knows I use it & he suggested that I write about them there too... which I told him I was already thinking of doing!

Well, on the way back home I remembered I hadn't checked for my pen drive. So, when I did, I couldn't find it. I waited to reach home & scan the entire bag to confirm whether it was really not there. Later, I emptied the bag & around that time I went through both my notebooks & then realized that I had, in fact, not written Shamim’s number in my book. It was Rebecca who wrote it down in her diary! God bless her! Anyway, the pen drive wasn't there. I didn’t mind them having taken the pen drive (in case they did), but I just hoped that they would delete all the photos that were on it. Just a few days ago, when I went to meet my cousin I had uploaded numerous photos of my Godchild on the pen drive. So, that was something that I was regretting.

Anyway, I called the driver to ask for his name which I had forgotten & even his elder brother's name & I told him that I wanted to write in the papers about their kindness. He willingly provided me with the names- Sunil Kumar Prajapati (the younger brother, who made all the calls) & Guddu Lal Prajapati (the elder one, our driver, who came looking for me!). Sunil Kumar ji followed it up by the vehicle number. Then, I just mentioned that my pen drive was missing & I asked him if he knew what it was. He said that he did. I, then, requested him to look for it, in case it had fallen out from the bag. He assured me that he would look around in the room & get back to me, in case he did find it. Now, I had to inform mom that I got the bag back. So, again, I asked dad to give her a call & I joyfully told her about it. She said, “Yeah, I know.” I was taken aback & wondered whether she heard me clearly. Then she revealed to me that she had made a vow to St. Anthony. I didn’t know what to say or feel!

The following morning (2nd September, 2010), Sunil Kumar ji gave me a call & said that the child in their room had found the pen drive & was playing with it; but later, the maid through it in the trash. I didn’t know how to react. I was disappointed.

In the evening, after Mass, I couldn’t wait to let the priest know what had happened. I told him & he said, “See!.. The power of prayer!”. “The power of prayer!”, I echoed his sentiments.

I had still not informed Karen & Anita. On the 3rd of September, I was so enthusiastic when I called out to Karen after the novena, she guessed & asked me with a broad smile, “You got your bag?”. “Yeah”, I shouted out. & guess what she said... “Good! I had a feeling yesterday. I prayed to St. Anthony.” I was now doubly speechless (if that’s possible)! I finally informed Anita a few days ago. She said she prayed for me at Mount Mary’s, Bandra.

Now, I'm sure each one of you will have an opinion of your own. But I just wanted to share this with as many people as I could. & I encourage you to let others know, too! It’s about time I enlightened the world!

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Dear Vodafone India...Thank you.

Dear darling Vodafone India,

Let me begin by saying, thank you for providing me with great network coverag. You really, almost always followed me wherever I went.

But, that's about it.

Other than that I must say I have nothing appreciative to write to you about. I've had one terrible experience with you and your customer care in India for twover two years.

And yesterday evening, what you did to me, I'll never forgive nor forget and I want the world to also know how evil you can be to people who are loyal to you even after all the shit you throw at them.

I was with Vodafone India post paid service for two years and a couple of months. Paid every single freaking bill ON TIME.

Then decided to move to prepaid since I was trying to cut costs. Got a new job which was ready to put me on a corporate plan so moved back to post paid.

Not that you helped make the transition back easier. It took me one week to move to post paid after three follow-ups at the store along with no service for a whole 24 hours.

Then i get a message saying just a day before I leave to travel on work out of Mumbai that my credit limit is Rs 500. Say whaaaaaaaaaat?????

So I call you up requesting you to increase the amount cause I will be on roaming. You categorically say you can't. Talking to a supervisor didn't help either as you're policy says - New customers can't get a bigger credit limit than Rs 500 for the first 3 months.

Fair enough. I'm sure you have a logical explanation for this.

But I'm not a new customer am I? You reactivated my account which has a credit history reflecting my good payment details. So why reject my request?

You wanna know why? It's because I never had huge bills. So I wasn't an A grade customer. And please save it. Don't pretend I don't know you don't have ratings for customers. I've worked in the industry too so I know how it rolls.

I asked the Gurgaon office Vodafone representative to help me out. After sending him an email which he would forward to a Mumbai Vodafone representative - its been 24 hours. Nothing has be done. I'm still as networkless as can possibly be.

Thank you Vodafone India. You proved to me how much you lie and the biggest lie of all is your network - It sure as hell isn't following me when I need it to follow me the most.

So here I am in Gurgaon, India on September 1, 2012. without a service provider. Far away from home. Alone. I can't make or receive calls. My only point of contact - my office internet via laptop which I have to chug around everywhere in the land of nowhere.

I can't wait to go home. And get ported out to Bharti Airtel. I'm sure they have the same Rs 500 credit limit policy. But I'll get on a corporate plan and hopefully I'll be treated a little more kindly.

Best,

Chelsea Saldanha.



Sunday, August 19, 2012

Words from the Wise... With Erin !

If you hadn’t fallen down, you would never have learned how to get back on your feet. If you hadn’t been forced to let go and move on, you’d never have learned that you have the strength to stand on your own. If you hadn’t lost hope, you wo...uld never have found your faith. The best often comes after the worst happens. Without struggles we would be weak and we would not be as strong as what we need to be to face all of life's challenges.



It's funny how some of the saddest moments in my life have forced me to become a better person. Two of my favourite quotes in life have to do with this: There is a saying "The sand irritates the oyster until the oyster produces a pearl" and "Just when the caterpillar thought it was the end of the world, it became a butterfly"

♥♥


~Erin M.





Sunday, August 5, 2012

MC Mary Kom is a star - no matter what anyone says.

Mary Kom no matter what the outcome - you have earned the respect of every Indian for fighting the tough fight - especially against a country who doesn't respect you enough or push you and your talent to give you the best at a world class event like the Olympics. Hats off to you for reaching this grand stage on your own merit and NOT i repeat NOT because our sports federation has an iota of sense. You are a star in your own right. Salaam from a big fan.

I truly believe she is a star, a knight in shining armour, a real role model and someone to who women in India can really look up to. Her story - her drive to succeed when she has been blocked by almost every Indian brick wall is a great attribute that few people, let alone Indian women have. If she wins an Olumpic 2012 medal - she should give India no credit for it.

The same goes for all our stars who made it to the Olympics in London this year. Your prowress in your chosen sport is all your doing. This country has given you very little to cheer for.

I hope you win gold Ms. Kom. I really do.

From a fan who has always loved to run but couldn't develop it further maybe cause she gave up too early, maybe her coaches didn't belive in her or maybe cause she just got tired of all the bullshit politics and lack of infrastructure.

Best always,

Chelsea!

Saturday, July 7, 2012

For the Last Time (Part I)


"Silence is the genius of fools and one of the virtues of the wise"


My first social gathering, outside the four corners of My heart. After eight months, I'm ready. I'm real. I'm free.

I step inside Eros (Lousy name for a 'God of Love' hotel, I think).

I'm wearing red. His favourite. Yet. Dressed. To. Kill.

Tonight.

"Are you sure about this Lizzie?" says, My darling conscience, looking out for Me as always.

"Of course I am!" totally ignoring the skipping-a-beat game My two-timing heart is playing.

Waiting at the revolving doors is Neil - who grabs me and twirls me round and round, much to the sly smiles of others and the chagrin of mine.

"Wow Lizzie, you look jaw-dropping gorgeous"

I smile, a genuine smile. Compliments from Neil are never given freely. I know. I've been victim to that acidic tongue of his as I tried mending the broken pieces of My life recently.

He pulls me close, I grin freely as I pull out of his grasp. "Behave," I warn sternly.

Chuckling, he grabs My hand saying, "You need to let loose. Come on then, I want you to meet everyone"

Knowing Neil, I know everyone - literally means - EVERYONE.

The big 'Opening Extravaganza' party is on the rooftop of Eros. He takes me around, introducing me to Ms. X who heads this company and Mr. Y who is the GM of that firm. All the while I'm shaking my head, proud of how far Neil has come. He's worked hard and he deserves his 15 minutes of fame and adulation.

His hotel is sleek and rich, to put it lightly. His clientele, even more so.

Looking back, I realise, I was way out of my league with My $40 red dress (worn once); My $26 high heels (worn way too many times) and My cheap imitation jewelry.

But what the heck, I was having my 'Cheshire Cat' moment.

Moving along, he pulls me towards a guy whose back is facing us. As I turn to charm and disarm...



"Lizzie, meet my partner-in-crime _______"

I freeze.

We look at each other for the first time, drinking it all in since the one-sided split.

Neil continues rambling introductions, oblivious to the pounding of My heart.


Till the voices in My head calm me down enough to hear Neil say - "And that's funny because you share the same name _______ that Lizzie fell head-over-heels in love with"

My brain orders My head to shake left to right but all I came up with was a weak shrug.

Neil continues talking to Him as if I didn't exist - This woman here, is by far singularly, the most amazing human being I have met. And yet, she won't go out with me. I think she is still in love with that fool who ripped her apart but she denies it."

"Oh hey! excuse me for a minute, I just saw someone I must talk to. Why don't you guys get to know each other," saying so, Neil rushes off, leaving me to face the ghost of my past.

My insides are screaming. Get out, get out, GET OUT. NOW!

As I feel the pools forming at the rims, I turn to run... and He grabs My hand.


"Elizabeth"

He spins Me around to face Him. And as I look Him in the eye, the floodgates open unashamedly.

You. Walked. Away. - I said, as I unclasped His hold on My hand...

For the Last Time.






"Some people pass through our lives for a reason, to teach us lessons that could never be learned if they stayed."



~CBS

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

RESPECT: Is a term most men in India think they own.

I never felt so alone. (Experience of a girl in Noida metro rail.)

"23rd June, afternoon, I board the metro from Noida City Center. The train was almost empty, I find a spot by the right side of the car near the door, put my earphones on and prepare to wait through all the stations till Rajiv Chowk. Few stations afterwards, I feel someone hovering, I turn to look and this guy wearing shades is leaning towards me, his arm extended above me brushing my head, holding the seat railing, his breath fans my hair. I look beyond him, the coach is still relatively empty with plenty of space for someone to stand comfortably without being forced to lean on another passenger and breathe down their neck. I assumed he wanted to get off at the next station and waited. Station arrives, we are standing to the right of the coach, the doors open to the left and he doesn’t move.

I ask him now, do you wish to get off at the next station?
He answers in negative and looks away. I continue to address him, please step back you are crowding me.
He ignores me. I speak again.
He turns and says, why are you here, you should be in the women’s coach.
I tell him, women do not have restrictions on travelling cause they apparently can travel in decency, step back please.
He continues to ignore me and doesn’t move.

Another guy standing to the front us says to 1st guy, when she’s asking you to move why don’t you just move?
2nd guy says, what is it to you? You are her what?
They start arguing. 2nd guy says to 1st guy, hey! speak to her however you want but speak to me with respect!
Interesting how suddenly the dynamic of the situation changes. It’s about respect, not towards me but to his manhood.
Sufficiently angered they start shoving each other.

I try to turn away and ignore them hoping they will stop and quit being assholes. But it escalates. The other passengers are watching but not really doing anything to stop the fight. In a matter of seconds it turns horrifically ugly, 1st guy smashes his fist into 2nd guys face and 2nd guy falls to the floor, blood gushing out of his nose and forehead. The other passengers go wild. Few turn to me and start shouting, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU STARTED THIS FIGHT, THIS IS ALL BECAUSE YOU CAME INTO THIS COACH.

I’m a little surprised and I try to tell them, I am not the reason they started fighting cause 1st guy didn’t speak with “respect” to 2nd guy. Of course no one is listening. The crowd is a frenzy. The 2nd guy get up off the floor, blood dripping everywhere, no one helps him. One of the passengers steps up to me and shouts, DO SOMETHING THIS IS YOUR FAULT STOP THEM FROM FIGHTING. Can you imagine stepping in between 2 aggressive physically violent men and trying to stop a fight? Me, a girl? When all these other men in the coach haven’t yet made ANY moves to stop the fight!? The train stops at Akshardham station and 1st guy runs out. 2nd guy starts calling his friends and runs out as well. The crowd is screaming at me to call the cops. My shock is a delayed reaction, but it finally sets in. I am supposed to call the cops? If I was in an accident am I supposed to call the ambulance? I dial 100, networks choppy no surprises there. Someone answers, I give the details, which station, 2 men fighting, badly hurt. The guy on the other end of the line hangs up. I can’t believe this is happening to me, I’m standing here in a coach with 50 odd men and they are all shouting at me.

- YOU WOMEN ALWAYS DO THIS, YOU STARTED THIS FIGHT
- I did not start anything, I spoke up because he wouldn’t move!
- WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE GO TO THE WOMEN’S COACH
- I have as much right to be here as any of you. I’m not the reason the government made separate coach for women.
- YOU ARE THE REASON, GET OFF
- The reason is men like you who cannot respect women and instead of stepping up to stop harassment you encourage it by segregating us.

Yes. I shouted these words. Perhaps not coherently. Perhaps not eloquently. I couldn’t understand how even one individual out of all these people didn’t have the decency to REALLY see what had happened and try to stop it. My disbelief had turned to royal fucking rage. There were a few women, who looked on like how you glance back at road accidents. I shouted at them as well, shame on you for standing there, this happens to you too and you don’t have the balls to say a word now. My head was a screaming mess of thoughts, my heart felt it will explode. Strangely even though my knees were shaking like hell, I felt a strange compulsion to stay and not flee. There’s a button by the door for emergencies. I recall this hours after the incident. The crowd wouldn’t let up. Every time the coach doors opened and new passengers got on they ask about all the blood on the floor, everyone starts pointing fingers at me, SHE STARTED A FIGHT BETWEEN 2 MEN. WHY DON’T YOU GET OFF, GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF!!!! After 3-4 more stations I’m trying really not to fucking loose it. I continue to stand by the door.

One man in the back shouts, Ladkiyan to hoti hi aisee hain… I turn to see who spoke, he’s hidden between passengers… wo dono pit gaye par isko koi asar nahi huya.
I turn back, FUCK YOU!
Another man from the front of the coach jumps out, HEY SHOW SOME RESPECT!!
- Respect????? I’m aghast. Respect to whom? You all stand around and do nothing and I said fuck you so now you want to teach me respect.
- YOU WILL SHOW RESPECT.
- All the men all the time keep saying vile abuses, maa bahen ki gaaliyan and NO ONE SAYS ANYTHING TO THEM. I said fuck you, so you want to teach me respect!

I’m glad he didn’t dare. I do not know what I would have done. I start clapping and giving everyone the thumbs up, THANK YOU EVERYONE, brilliant display of support, I feel so good about my country. Keep it up.

I’m sure they all thought I have gone completely mad. I was mad. Stark raving mad. But I stood there listening to them talk and laugh and stare at me. I wondered why I wasn’t crying or falling apart. My shock was tremendous, my disappointment crippled me. Frozen I continued to stand by that door.

7 stations later I get off at Rajiv Chowk. I do not know why I didn’t just get off before. I probably should have. But I felt at that point, perhaps stupidly now that I have hindsight, no fucking force on earth is going to make me feel like a victim, I’m not going to get off, I have as much right to be here as any one of these barbaric men. My knees wouldn’t quit shaking by the way, I felt as if I had no oxygen. I didn’t want to report it. I didn’t want to do anything. I just wanted to be left alone, that’s all I had asked. Thinking back I cannot still understand how literally the most ridiculous thing turned so ugly. I’m sure you are thinking, why did she do this, why didn’t she just leave, why did she even get in the general coach, what was she wearing, what does she look like to elicit such an incident. And you know what, that’s precisely the whole fucking point. It doesn’t matter what you think might be a cause or a reason. No one, NOT A SINGLE person had the balls to step up and help me. And all these 50 odd men, your regular joes, college kids, engineers going to office shouldering laptops, salesmen and just normal folks commuting.

I have never felt this alone.

And for the record, I’m AGAINST the separate coach for women. It is the most ridiculous solution the government came up with to ensure women traveler’s safety. Segregating men and women will never help anyone develop tolerance and respect for others PERSONAL SPACE."

Source : chandni.wordpress.com and doiwrite.blogspot.in


P.s: Report/Retweet/Share this to get women to raise their voices when it matter and for men who need to learn some Respect.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Little Wonders

Lionel Ritchie got it bang on when he crooned "Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow"....

This is a shout out post to all those who love and I mean LOVE animals and birds. When I say love, I mean not just going oooohhh and awwwww at how cute they are but actually going out of their way to adopt some of these sweethearts or rush a dog or even a horse to an animal shelter home or the nearby veterinarian for some urgent treatment.

These are my two babies - Dappu and Oshu (Well they have gone through too many names and it's come down to this for now) and also my big baby - My Nana :")






















Enjoy the pictures and keep smiling.

Loving anything with a heartbeat, means loving God in my eyes. ~CBS.

Monday, July 2, 2012

From Hiroshima & Nagasaki's ma

July 2
- hey congrats dear, u r worth of that salary not d current one. don't forget me dear........ love u always and all the best

- " anything for u @ any movement for ur life"

- one person would always b with u whether u r right or wrong

~Blessed

 July 5
Hey dear I will be missing u the most.........

I feel like I am loosing my left hand...........

I don't know what I am going to do on 27th......

LOVE U ALWAYS..........

Monday, June 18, 2012

From the Diaries of Lin Baba


Only there and then did I see and feel the torment of what I’d done, and what I’d become – the pain and the fear and the waste; the stupid, unforgivable waste of it all. My heart broke on its shame and sorrow. I suddenly knew how much crying there was in me, and how little love. I knew, at last, how lonely I was...

But the soul has no culture. The soul has no nations. The soul has no colour or accent or way of life. The soul is forever. The soul is one.  And when the heart has its moment of truth and sorrow, the soul can’t be stilled...

Courtesy: Lessons Learned in Life

One of the reasons why we crave love, and seek it so desperately, is that love is the only cure for loneliness, and shame, and sorrow. But some feelings sink so deep into the heart that only loneliness can help you find them again. Some truths about yourself are so painful that only shame can help you live with them. And some things are just so sad that only your soul can do the crying for you...

I was thinking about another kind of river, one that runs through every one of us, no matter where we come from, all over the world. It’s the river of the heart, and the heart’ desire. It’s the pure, essential truth of what each one of us is, and can achieve. All my life I’d been a fighter. I was always ready, too ready, to fight for what I loved, and against what I deplored. In the end, I became the expression of that fight, and my real nature was concealed behind a mask of menace and hostility. The message of my face and my body’s movement was, like that of a lot of other hard men, Don’t Fuck With Me. In the end, I became so good at expressing the sentiment that the whole of my life became the message.

~Gregory David Roberts
Shantaram

Sunday, June 10, 2012

My Blue Antics

This is a feather out of my Kolkata Diaries, one that I haven't spoken about to a lot of people but definitely worth noting for all my shenanigans.

So we are about to head to Park Street at 8 pm to give Jay Sean (Yeah, that's what I call the groom now) his post wedding Bachelor party, with me in tow of course.

As we wait for Jay Sean, Sapan the driver gets the car out of the garage and parks it outside the house. Standing there looking at it are Samrat, one of Jay Sean's close buddies and moi.

Then I say loudly - I want to Drive.

Sapan smirks - Gaadi chalane bhi aata hain? (Do you even know how to drive?)

So I flash him... my shiny, almost one-year-old Drivers License. Anything else?

What I didn't mention is I haven't practiced my driving in ummmm over 8 months. Anyway, he didn't need to know that. plus, I was confident about my driving skills. After all, everyone told me that I would never forget what I had learned. Goes to show you shouldn't swallow everything people vomit.

Anyway to be on the safe side I tell Sapan to get into the passenger side, he declines. You said you can drive, so drive.

I flex fingers, adjust seat, wear seat belt, put leg on clutch, move hand break down and start car. So far all is well.

Press accelerator -  then all went in the well.

I forgot about the ABC from right to left - Accelerator, Break & Clutch.

My foot couldn't find the Break. And now when I think about it, it's probably cause my Foot was pressed hard on the Accelerator. Lol.

So everyone's like ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHH....

And inside the care I'm like ARRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....

Jay Sean's neighbour thankfully has a wall - so I decide to scrape the front right side headlights and the car till the end of the wall all the while wondering...

PRESS THE BREAK!!!! which the three men are screaming.

Not THAT Bad Nah?
Next there is a cycle rickshaw ahead standing still watching the drama unfold - now there are three different sets of people screaming ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHH

i.e. the cycle rickshaw driver, the three men & me :D

My leg finally finds the break about 3 feet from the auto guy and there is pin drop silence.

I get out of the car. Everyone comes running to the front of the car to see the damage.

Nyeh - a couple of lines.

So after we drink a couple of beers, I'm driving us back home, I say gleefully.

The three men laugh menacingly, HELL NO!

Meanwhile, Jay Sean comes down - What did I miss?

GULP.