Woke up in the morning feeling like a P**** of S***. Yeah one of those days.
Gulped down a glass of milk and raw egg (I like them dont you???) and ran for the bus.
I really should get into astrology or reading signs or whatever it is you call it because things went wrong and HOW!!!
Stopped a BEST bus by jumping in front of it... driver was kind enough to stop, not to mention let me get in from the front. As I took the first step, my shoe got left behind... had to make him stop the bus, get off, wear the shoe and get back in. Well I have my moments of ten second humiliation at 7:30 am once in a while...
I should have guessed there and then that the earth and me were working on two different time zones.
Scene 1: Its 7:45 am and I am about to enter Goregaon station when this jack ass walks ahead of me whispering sweetly in my ear - "Hi kya lagti hain re." I lost it. I lost it so bad that I was yelling and wacking him at the same time. Then I did something stupid. I cringed when he raised his hand in a threatening way. I mean how could I have bloody cringed??? I got even more mad and started using my vocalizer to the maximum along with adding a couple of more wacks... Transcript of me yelling " Ran** teri maa hogi, behen hogi... khandhan hoga... saalla C******, Mata****... " well you get the picture. He kept yelling back some of his choicest words. Goes to show how you can be a vixen one second and a bitch the next.
I ran for the 7:50 am train shaking and grumbling, wishing I had involved the cops who I notice never seem to be around when I need them... Wonder of wonders I am in time for the 7:44 am fast train. At least something is going for me... Spoke too soon...
Scene 2: I ran to the fourth platform waiting for the "Platform number char par aayi hui local saath bhajkar 44 minutes (lol) Churchgate jaane waali barah dibogi jalat local hain, yeah local Andheri se Bandra, Bandra se Dadar, Dadar se Mumbai Central ke beech kisi bhi sthanako pe nahi rukhegi" - THANK YOU THANK YOU to all those who understood my hindi :D
The train arrives. For some stupid reason I decide to keep my specs on. I never do that. And like the professional I am I go right in front to jump into the train to get a good fourth seat WHILE the train is still halting. Yeah, didnt work that way today. First off, I got all entangled with that rod in the middle of the compartment door. Secondly, one lady happened to wack my specs askew bending it. Thirdly, my shoe falls under the train.
And I go "My shoe!!!" So one woman who I was conveniently blocking yells back "who cares... MOVE!" Dejectedly and temper tantrum ready I yell back after I am standing alone on the platform "Yeah, well why dont you go to work with just one shoe for a change you B****". Gosh my language...lol. Yeah I wanted to yell something like "Now go and say your prayers like a hypocrite... but that thought came only later man... dang it!" The lady in question however looked at me angrily while the train exited the platform.
Scene 3: The shoe. Now anyone who travels by Mumbai's trains knows what a railway station and their tracks look like. For those who dont, imagine a platform having spit and paan stains all over the platform and the tracks having an overload of said spit and paan along with garbage. I did not even bother to look out and check if another train was on its way... A train knocking me would have been better than me having to go and get my shoe from the filth. So with a huge sigh and a grumpy face I got to the edge of the platform. Since I am not that young anymore I put both hands down at the edge (BLUCH) and got down on the track (PUKE). Wore my shoe. And with an even bigger 'I should drop dead right now' look I placed both my hands back on the platform and pushed myself up.
God I hated Indian men who THINK women are oggling items and Walmart Canada for the loose shoe fiasco. I did feel sad though for my one and only faithful pair of glasses which has been with me for over six years not to mention travelled with me across continents.
After that I just gave up. Let His will be done... anymore hitches and I'd just stab myself in the eye with the bent handle of my specs. But things were smooth sailing after that.
Yeah hell hath no fury when I lose my temper. I need to learn some Jujitsu maybe even Taekwondo. Can't even depend on pandus now a days. BAH!!!!!!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Saturday, April 3, 2010
The Apple of my Eye
Cheechu was just a week old when we got him from the lush greenery that encompasses Assisi Bhavan. When he first joined our household he was this small fur ball, with big gooey eyes, long bushy tail and who was as cute as a button. By the way Cheechu is my pet squirrel if in case you haven’t figured that out.
The gardeners of the old age home placed him in this size eight shoe box where he slept day and night. Dad and I would take turns feeding him a spoonful of milk containing two cubes of sugar. He loved it. Then he’d curl up in the palm of our hands with his tail hiding his face and body and snore. Adorable.
It is so easy to love animals. Anyone who ever had a pet or who has a pet will know what I am talking about. Their love is unconditional, absolute and never-ending. Cheechu is one of those animals whose sole purpose in life is to eat anytime and anything, he never says no to food, although he turns up his nose if you offer him the same food twice. He likes variety you know. The initial two weeks, his dietary consumption changed drastically from milk to caffeine and from white rice to biryani with a little vindaloo curry for flavouring. Pure-vegetarian, one always wonders how he came to be part of a pure non-vegetarian family.
But from the first moment we looked into his coal dark eyes, he stole our heart, mind, soul. He is quick footed and loves disappearing into my dad’s prized coriander plants. We find him fifteen minutes later paw deep in mud with a leaf dangling from his mouth completely guilty, with dad bellowing CHHHHEEECCHHHUUUUU… lol. Well after he gets a few fatkas on his mouth he stays grumpy for exactly five seconds. I swear the guy has such awful memory, in the sixth second he is running around doing his business as if nothing happened.
His favourite hobbies are making number one and two on laptops, eating cigarette buds out of ashtrays, nibbling at novels or sharpening his teeth on the border, hanging upside down from the curtain while yawning and stretching. He knows he either is doing something wrong or has done something wrong when we call out his name, that he will give this pious angelic look which says ‘Who me, you gotta be kidding???’ I tell you my chipmunk is a first class actor. He knows when to milk it for all its worth.
Take mom for example. She loves him to death, but from afar. I mean she feeds him nonstop warning us not to bring him closer but yet six months of having him be part of the household he already has a paunch. No wonder when we go to work and come back in the evening he turns his nose up in the air as if to say ‘HMPH! I am very angry with you for leaving me home alone’. Then we all spend the next half hour bribing him with grapes and jalebi.
But even before hog fest there is the lad pyaar that he has grown accustomed to from all of us. By nine am he’s awake ringing his Christmas bell till everyone is scrambling to placate him with breakfast. After that he has his power nap for about two hours and then wakes up wanting some love and affection. Now this involves a lot of petting, hugging and kissing. It’s what a mother does to put her cranky new born to sleep. Well Cheechu is that way when he wakes up, he needs a lot of TLC and as soon as you stop, he will open one sleepy eye and give you the ‘Hello, please continue’ look.
To put him to bed at night dad composed a lullaby. He sleeps like a baby for the next eight hours. We all kiss him goodnight and he crawls under his bedding, curls up and closes his eyes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)