Phoren return… alli re alli!

If anyone were to ask me - how does it feel to be back in the motherland after 2 years?

I would say – There is no home like the one you’ve got because that home belongs to you.

I was supposed to land on the 3rd of October but due to unforeseen circumstances, I landed two days later. I remember people telling me how awful things are supposedly in Mumbai, what with the pollution, the garbage and not to forget the crowd! I was also warned about the Mumbai smell that would welcome me when my plane was landing. Sorry guys, either my sense of smell was off because all I got was a whiff of cabin crew.

I remember sitting and waiting anxiously for the plane to touch base and tears entering my eyes as my mind went back to the day I was leaving. I remember all the people who came and helped relieve me of my excess clothes, jewelry and shoes. And let’s not forget those who helped me pack 22 years of my life in two suitcases which had to weigh 46 kgs in all. Do not ask how many times my bags popped open and how much they actually weighed at the airport.

With a jolt I came back to earth when I heard the plane had landed safely. After collecting my luggage, I had my first argument with a fellow Indian who was trying to wiggle through customs by breaking the line. I knew I was back in India but this time the old me was gone. I will not say living abroad did not do me any good, because one thing I learned – if you’re gonna go down, go down with a fight. So I went up and patting him on the back said, “Excuse me, do you think all these people including me are fools to wait in a line at 4 in the morning?” He apologized and went back and joined the line. While I felt liberated I was a little shaky after that.

Got home by six and barely slept because there was so much to experience. I mean seeing the watchman to the neighbourhood dog who still slept outside our home; things did not seem to have changed, although change seems to have been the mandate of the government these last two years.

Has anyone been to the airport recently? They definitely have made an effort to make it look spectacular and I for one laude their efforts. The next few days were just a whole unraveling process of me drinking in everything Mumbai had to offer. To begin with, it is still impossible to catch a Santosh Nagar bus at whatever time of the day and no one told me the Golkuldham bus doesn’t travel outside Gokuldham anymore. I waited for the bus for a good 45 minutes till I got fed up and travelled by rickshaw. After that the train ticket ka line was hilariously huge but I finally got a ticket and headed for the 9:31 Goregaon local. Since then I have learned that a booklet can save you time. With my jeans rolled up, my bag in front of me, I got ready to jump into a moving train. Mind you I am not only out of shape but out of practice as well. I don’t think I did badly – third seat mila re… Chalel ka????? Hahaha.

I love our Mumbai trains. Forget about the body smells, the crowd, there is just something about entering our trains which just gets me smiling all the time. There was a day I was coming back by a Borivali fast and was hanging outside. The train was horribly slow till Bandra and then it just ran like the wind till Goregaon. I think I literally looked like one of those dogs you see on TV who sticks its head out of a moving car. With the wind on my cheeks I was grinning like an idiot and did not care that people were giving me the ‘what is wrong with this girl’ look.
People have changed as well. All the kids I knew have grown vertically while I grew sideways. The hawkers may have diminished but malls selling what the hawkers would sell at double the cost are all around us. Bargaining is another thing I missed. It was amazing travelling through South Mumbai and visiting Fort, Crawford Market and the Queen’s Necklace.

Most of all it is a blessed feeling to be back to the place I call home and the people I call family. The memory of my last two Christmas’s has left me wanting more. So for me this Christmas is going to be extra special because I will be putting in the extra effort needed to make it spectacular. It will not be a material Christmas like the West makes it out to be, but a CHRIST filled Christmas.
I hope this Christmas is as special to you as it will be for me.

From my family to yours - A Happy and Joyful Christmas.


<3

One month

... has gone by. Weird in its own way. So many things have happened and so many changes have taken place. I do not even think I am ready for all these changes. I have 4 options...lol... never ever had that happening to me before. Still not interested. Getting down to putting ME first. MY feelings and MY needs before anyone else. Trying and thinking positive thoughts is easy now with so much of light, goodwill and sunshine radiating from like minded people.

Happy Happy Happy as can be.

Why are you then not here with me???

Come celebrate what we call Life... for it is Free.

Peace Out,

Chel-C

Of all the animals in the zoo, parley-vous, Of all the animals in the zoo...

PARLEY-VOUS!!!

Who doesn't love the zoo? OK Maria, I know you hate it because you'd have two children to look after, your daughter and husband BUT STILL!!!

Those who know me will remember my 20^th birthday where I accomplished my Mumbai Darshan by taking in a few of the sights and sounds of my beloved city, ending it with eating two huge meals at McDonald’s. Pure bliss I tell you! Unfortunately I have no written record of this adventurous experience which I regret but I will be making that journey again so will keep you posted!

Celebrating 2009 – Year of the Gorilla, the Toronto Zoo blew me out of my mind with everything – the geographical locations from where the animals came, the habitats prepared for them to settle in, the exhibits, the information and the animals themselves were a sight to behold. I mean I do not know who had a longer jaw, me or the gorillas; my mouth was open half the time absorbing all the animals that live on Mother Earth.

*Fun fact – Did you know Gorillas are the third closest relative to humans after Bonobos and Chimpanzees?

Many animals at the Toronto Zoo are on the endangered animals list. Yet the treatment meted out to them is as close to VIP as you can get. Staff and volunteers are very close to these kindred spirits and the feeling is mutual. The Toronto Zoo celebrating 35 years since its inception has some fauna that have been with them for a very long time.

So where do I begin? I guess from the beginning of my journey – I left at 7 am. How long was the journey you ask? Bus + bus + subway + subway + bus = Toronto Zoo. About three hours. Since I was alone, the journey pleasant since I had my music, my camera and my eyes to observe all that Toronto has to showcase.

I got off the bus and the first thing I notice is a Canadian goose at the gate welcoming everyone by squawking and nipping at anyone who got too close. While observing her I moved on to stand in line to get a ticket. They gave me a map and instructions on what attractions the zoo had to offer. It brought back fond memories of school Esselworld trips and the map we’d get at the entrance. So I walk in and I see three lanes – left, straight and right – which way???

Finally, I decided to go straight since I heard a kid shout - ELEPHANT! *like I haven’t seen any before*

I will not give you a blow by blow account of every step I took at the zoo – but there were a couple of things I found fascinating and really touching at this humane and naturally peaceful place.

I noticed families, groups from schools and kindergarten kids, people with physical disabilities – all were welcome and treated with courtesy and respect. Then there were the animals and all this huge open land for them to walk around carefree – I mean they were in an enclosure but a huge one so as to not feel claustrophobic. I think the giraffe had a better joint than my place. He he he.

I also figured that I no longer feel the need to go to Australia or the North Pole – I mean I saw the kangaroos and the polar bear – the natives usually come to India so I don’t think I am missing anything huge!

They also had a lovely animal show where a couple of them performed. The audience I have to say was amazing and uttered the OOOHHHHHSsssss and AAAHHHHHHHSssss in all the right places. They had ferrets, a falcon, a donkey, a parrot and even a skunk who did some cool tricks and there was this bird (don’t remember the name unfortunately) who did a small skit on recycling plastic. All in all it was a stellar performance.

Oh and I have to end with me saying I touched like a MILLION stingray! They were cute and had soft skin and just adorable. They had their stings cut, very similar it seems to how we cut our nails.

*Fun fact – If you cut the sting of the stingray – it takes about six months to grow back!

That was their special exhibit along with the sharks. There were four of the latter but only one was sporty enough to let us touch him/her. I was one of the lucky few – Touched it three times too and yet hear I am – alive to tell the tale… Chelsea – the Shark Toucher! :D

Hinky-dinky, parlez-vous!

p.s: I will be posting more videos of my trip to the zoo... keep checking!

Happy Birthday Beautiful...

Dear Beauty,

I have known you since time began to count. I have seen you in good times and in bad and yet till date you have never disappointed me. You are true to your self, and no matter the amount of bad advice I have given you - you have chosen the right way, the bigger person way. I can only look up to you and admire you from afar because I cannot take the chances that you take. Call me Chicken :)

You have been in my room since the day I landed in this forlorn country- right next to Christ and my family.

I see you as the bright star that you really are, who always has some wisdom to share when I look outside my window late at night, trying to find some peace.

Now I know I have not been the best of sisters, I do know this because besides you I have received a million other complaints from millions of others. Somehow you get through to me. But I do push you to test our friendship to the limit - blame Hollywood and the "stick by your friend" messages that have been shoved in my face for God knows how long.

I do not deserve your patience nor your forgiveness as to the way I have treated you these two years - like a random nobody. You are a somebody to me. A very close someone who matters a great deal and some.

You gave me SMILE :D - I have it with me in Canada and it has healed a very down heart often.

I know you and me have gone round the bend a couple of times, always somehow putting on a facade because that is what everyone expects of us. I am tired of it honestly hence I quit the race. By that I do not mean I am anti-social it's just that I have a lot of things to sort out in my closest and I beseech you to give me this space to get my life back on track so that I may be a better person to myself and to you when you come home.

I hope the UK experience is everything you could have ever wanted and even more.

I end with the best wishes I could give you from the depths of my being - wishing you to make the right choices, to be the best that God made you to be and to add value to your life by fulfilling your destiny and by choosing your own path in life no matter where it leads you.

Happy Birthday.

I miss you, more than you ever care to know.

From a lost and lonely soul,

The Beast.


"You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me"

Michael Jackson

MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL

I remember mom came back from Abu Dhabi and that time Michael Jackson was a CRAZZZEEEEE!!!! I mean chelson and me just loved JAM and would sing it over and over again. And we had Dangerous which wore out because we played it till it gave a final glass cracking smash and that was it. And then mom buys me the best shirt ever from the airport, duty free!.

An M.J original Dangerous shirt.

I wore it everywhere!!!!! - To eat, to play, to parties, to church, to sleep - even to take my passport photograph.

I do not and will never believe the garbage people wrote about him being a peadophile.

The one thing that I do know is that he will be my Smooth Criminal. His music Rocked my World, made me Bad, Dangerous, made my life a Thriller in so many ways, got me asking Who is It??? when I knew it was Bille Jean who I finally told to Beat It as I had Dirty Diana lurking in the corner...

I can imagine myself dead and gone, but not you. You will live on, your music will live on!!!

R.I.P Michael Jackson
1958 - 2009

<3

Simple Truths

- God’s best gift to mankind – Choice.
- Sitting in the first row in school/college/university/theatre or even church for that matter doesn't mean you’re a nerd/un-cool/loser/lame.
- Anyone who thinks their lives are complicated and messed up - feel free to read up on Amy Whinehouse and Lindsay Lohan (Britney I give you credit for trying to redeem yourself.)
- Giving your 100% in everything you do, doesn't mean you are perfect, it means you know your flaws and you try to better them.
- Walking away doesn't make you a quitter; it means you have learned the hardest lesson life could teach you - selfless love.
- An ant, earthworm, even a beetle have as much right to a footpath as much as a dog or human.
- When in doubt turn to the most trusted soul – your soul, the answer is within.
- There are different levels, different versions and different explanations of happiness – all right in their own way I am certain of this now.
- There is only so much that materialism can give you - the rest is for you to discover.
- Life is hard and seems often hopeless – yet we make our own life the way we see fit or to make it sound better – we dig our own grave.
- The sword may be mighty and the tongue may be sharper – but no one can take away your silence and your tears.
- Even the most powerful person in the world is scared.
- There is nothing wrong with being a simpleton with small ideas and dreams.
- Till date I have not eaten anything which tastes better than white rice, dahi, papad and a little mango pickle.
- Music defines many of us - who we are, what we wear, what we say and how we say it.
- People who are rich and good looking who live in fancy houses and drive even fancier cars have problems too – we just seem blind to it for some reason.
- No country can bring about a drastic change if half their educated countrymen are staging protests and rallies outside their home country.
- Quite hypocritical for us to tell Biharis and Northern Indian’s ‘LEAVE Bombay’… sorry Aamchi Mumbai – and then cast stones at Australians and Canadians for telling Indian’s and Pakistani’s to leave their country so that they can get their jobs back.
- Try living your childhood dreams and be the person you want to be or who you saw yourself becoming before getting into the ‘Show me the Money’ bandwagon.
- Even if you are battered, beaten and broken – get up.
- Crying and showing emotions takes courage even though people who have never cried will call you weak.
- Die knowing you loved at least one person in his/her entirety.
- Every mistake is a lesson learned and every lesson is a memory which will help you think twice before repeating that mistake.
- It is much more difficult to find people with morals and values in today’s Gen-X culture.
- I know the world says otherwise – but be happy with what you have – brains and brawn.
- Last of all - Money is the root cause of all evil. Period.

Losing my religion...

Yeah I know I have a thing for song titles which inadvertently become my blog titles. No originality, no pressure.

Making a big bold move. Losing myself. Well that isn't too hard considering I have lost myself in these two years. I have no idea who I am, where I am and what I even stand for anymore. All that I thought was white and black looks purpley bluish with a dash of green.

Have I given up - Yes. For now. Nothing to lose definitely nothing to gain. The disappearing act makes me feel like the Joker *R.I.P Ledger* You make me want to smash someone's head into a pen too!

So for now, I sit... like a volcano. Content under the surface, bubbling and frothing with all this lava within me, bidding my turn, one day, someday - I will let the steam blow.

Going up to the spirit in the sky... blah blah blah... when I die... blah blah blah... Going to the place that's the best :D

It's all in my head...

It's difficult to accept that I am 24 and be -

Someone with a heck of a lot of responsibilities.
Someone who has to do things the "grown-up" way.
Someone who has to be serious and choke back the tears and the %$%$# *&(*^%$%#%$% words when she jams her finger against the door.
Someone who better have a guy, or be getting laid or better be a baby chugging machine.
Someone who has to live up to "other" people's expectations.
Someone who gets a whole lot of unwanted and unwarranted advice.
Someone who can't get carried away on the dance floor.
Someone who has to think a million times before she says anything for fear of antagonizing her family and friends.
Someone who has to start keeping secrets because of the old cliche - why should everyone know what your doing???
Someone who just can't be herself.

I know it's all in my head. I know I choose to live the way I live - not because I HAVE to but because I WANT too.

The choice doesn't bother me... much.

I guess it starts to tick me off when people keep shoving it down my throat that I feel like puking all over them with the bile that arises from all the venom I'd like to spill on them saying HEY! You made your mistakes, and you learned from them - now let me make mine!

Sad as it may seem, our lives are no longer ours because we live by the rules of this capitalistic world. We live the lives of TV celebrities and advertising. We walk and talk like Britney clones and have Brad Pitt bodies. We dress our asses in the latest fashions and want to be rock stars - rightly said by Chad Kroegar.

Whatever happened to the good ol' - I love you for who you are? Or I respect you as a friend for all the times you have stood by me??? Or even thanks for the lunch, it was lovely of you to buy it???

Where is all of that? Where can I find it again? Can I find it again>>>

With no expectations - from my side and yours?

Do you speak Indian?

Chelsea - Hi! My name is Chelsea.

Canadian - Is Chelsea your real name?

Chelsea – Yes.

Canadian - I thought it was your Canadian name. Do you speak Indian? You speak very well… isn’t your first language hum… Indian? Where did you learn to speak such good English?

The first time I was told ‘Oh you speak English well, albeit with an Indian accent,’ I really felt affronted. And I kept thinking – what’s wrong with people in Canada? Haven’t they heard Indians speak English? But it didn’t stop there. College proved to be an even bigger challenge. From trying to decipher the Canadian accent to getting myself to speak at snail pace and repeat the same damn sentence four times, got me vexed, wondering if the flight across the Atlantic had addled my brains and my tongue, because I suddenly felt like the village idiot from India. To top it off, people kept asking me - do you speak Indian?

When I finally deciphered what that sentence meant I figured two things. One, most Canadians are still ignorant of the fact that even though there are other cultures, English is still the world’s dominant language. Two, has Canada really done enough to bridge this cultural gap?

I slowly started preparing a script in my head to make people understand why my English was strong. It sounded like this – Yes although it may sound surprising, I am Catholic, hence I have a catholic name and not because I’ve come to Canada and adopted a new name for myself. If you are aware, India was under the British Raj, so we have a strong British education foundation in most cities. Yes, I speak only English at home. Maybe it's because I was born in Bombay. Yes, I’ve been brought up in a western environment and yes, I have an insatiable thirst for English books. End of story. So I don’t blame Canadians for thinking that way, because for most Indian immigrants, English is their second or maybe third language.

After being in Canada for almost two years, I’m still trying to find my niche and fit in. Having been called a wannabe American all my life, I thought Canada would be a walk in the park. Tragically, not so. It isn’t a problem for the person doing the stereotyping, but it is a problem for the person being stereotyped. The lady who asked me - who taught you to speak English?, had no problems with stereotyping me as an Indian-looking, Hindi or Punjabi speaking person, I was the one who had a problem with being stereotyped in that manner.

Sometimes, all it takes to bridge the cultural gap is making an honest effort to do so. Whether we succeed or not is immaterial, as long as we have tried. It’s the effort to imagine where others come from or what context shapes what they speak. The knowledge of someone else’s culture makes the task much easier and that is appreciated.

Oh, and Indian isn’t a language.

Wants to walk... Into the Wild...

Thanks to Imran Shaikh for exposing me to a whole new world of thinking. Well not exactly new since I find myself thinking along those lines almost every minute yet not having the balls to go ahead and do something like that.

How do I take that first big baby step? I want to... sorry let me rephrase that... I need to. So effing scared though for some reason. I feel that I am at that age where every decision is a bad decision no matter how hard I thought and took that risk, that chance. But when is ever a decision the right one? How do you stay away from the bad stuff or the wrong choices?

I can't answer that. But what I can do is take the lead and make an effort to at least try. Then I can say I tried. I may have not succeeded but at least I tried. No harm done. So a few concrete plans I have to make to set the ball in motion. Goa - changes - me.

Amen.

Running away for good or evil.

While exiting on Queen Subway I noticed an old woman with a faded sari underneath a heavy winter coat. Dark lines creased her forehead. Her hands were laden with thick woolly gloves while she silently clutched on to her placard which said "Stop the violence in Sri Lanka." I stopped. Stared. I have never really bothered if people were intimidated at my stare or tried to stare me down. Till I had my fill, I continued to stare vacantly at her with thoughts running left right and centre as I anxiously waited for some kind of answer. An answer to what would motivate an elderly woman to brave this dreadful weather and hold a silent protest, alone.

I was wrong.

I got out of my muted trance and exited the sidewalk only to bang right into a sea of black winter coats holding large white signs screaming words like "Stop Tamil genocide in Sri Lanka" and "Rwanda genocide in Sri Lanka." Two small black eyes shyly handed me a leaflet propagating their cause. A horde of students, husbands, wives, children, grandparents, working people who took a half-day even with a recession on yelled at the top of their voice "WE WANT JUSTICE."

I do not think the Tamil government in Sri Lanka or even the LTTE heard or saw their human chain.

Did Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper hear their shout out? Was a statement released? Would Canada deploy troops to save innocent blood from mass genocide?

Your guess is as good as mine.

Here are a few observations about the protest. And these are observations.

I observed kids dressed up like punk stars, people feeding their faces, roaming around with Tim Horton paper bags and coffee cups everywhere and you know, protesting. I Made me wonder, how serious are you guys? You got out of Sri Lanka. You were lucky. You had the money and you chose to leave. You packed you family and your bags and scrambled to safety.

The people left behind are people who weren’t as lucky as you. They didn’t have the same advantages as you, same benefits as you, didn’t come from the same social background as you. They didn’t have a choice. Because those people who were educated,with the means to make a change in Sri Lanka left and are still leaving. Running away... miles away.

War, violence, natural disasters, these are things you can’t run away from, no matter how hard you try. I am not saying the protest was futile. Heck it showed that people were worried about their loved ones back home. They braved the cold didn’t they? But what is your protest really going to do? A silent peaceful protest for a couple of hours in silent peaceful Canada?

Same goes for all of us from Asia or Africa. Indian's, Pakistani's, Chinese, Zimbabwean's. All of us who keep running away to America, Canada, Europe, Australia, all of us who want what they have readymade, yet do not want to fight for it. They fought for independence too you know. When are we going to stop running and face up to reality? Face up to what is out there? That what is OUT THERE is real. It exists. And running away from it no matter how hard we try... will not change anything. Because in the end... you cannot escape death.