Wingardium Leviosa!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Silent Night, Loves Lost Child


When you were standing in the wake of devastation

When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown

With the cataclysm raining down, insides crying save me now

You were there and possibly alone.



And in the burst of light that blinded every angel

As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars

You felt the gravity of temper grace falling into empty space

No one there to catch you in their arms.



... Do you feel cold and lost in desperation

You build up hope, but failure's all you've known

Remember all the sadness and frustration

And let it go, let it go.
 
 

She screams - IRIDESCENT!!!!!!

She runs, runs as fast as her tiny toes can push... the wind prevails, stopping her from going ahead but she charges through. She can't fight anymore. She just wants to hit the wall and fall. The road's empty again. Dust balls fill her vision. Sand dunes mar the opulence that is her life.

She's fallen from grace.

No reprieve. Not this time. No more no more. Take this cup from her if possible. She's done with her journey here.

She's ready to cross over.

Her demons await with eager anticipation to slice then dice her. She knows. She always knew it would end this way. Yet, for some fucked up reason she thought she could take a gamble.

One last breath.

She battens down the hatches as the storm rolls over her until the end of days.

Her Demon - Her Mirror.

Monday, December 19, 2011

"Soup for the Soul"

Calling All Angels ~ Lenny Kravitz

Calling all angels

I need you near to the ground
I miss you dearly
Can you hear me on your cloud?

All of my life
I've been waiting for someone to love
All of my life
I've been waiting for something to love

Calling all angels
I need you near to the ground
I have been kneeling
And praying to hear a sound



All of my life
I've been waiting for someone to love
All of my life
I've been waiting for something to love

All of my life
I've been waiting for someone to love
All of my life
I've been waiting for something to love

Day by day
Through the years
Make my way

Day by day
Through the years
Day by day
Through the years

Day by day
Through the years
Day by day
Make my way

Day by day
Through the years
Day by day
Day by day

Friday, December 9, 2011

I do...

I'm a couple of beers down so please forgive typos or whatever shit I spew out tonight.

Tonight I am just gonna write. Write what I am thinking and feeling. Anyone who has a problem about how sad and depressing my posts have been... well the 'X' option is on the top right. Please click and get rid of this misery.

So its December right? The time when everyone.. rather anything on two legs is getting hitched. "Do you take XYZ... I do. Do you take ABC... I do."

People getting engaged. Exchanging rings. Signing the registrar. Wedding cake. Champagne. Dancing.

I do.

I know its an amazing feeling. I've been to too many weddings not to have witnessed first hand what Love feels like.

The whole idea of being in Love - mind, body and soul. Two become One. Complete.

To all my friends who are walking down the aisle, Chelsea doesn't envy you. If you see tears -  those are happy tears :") You got your Ever After.


Life is about being happy and being happy with someone you love and makes you happy and I am sooooo happy that you found, to sound a little cliche - 'The One.'

To all those guys waiting for God knows what - get a move on it and ask that lovely lass in your life to be your wife. You know you won't regret it. He he he.

I remember at Foxy's engagement, I had tears in my eyes cause I was sooooo soooo happy for her and soon to be hubby and a small part of me, a very very small part of me wanted the same happy glow she felt.

The whole celebration is such a miracle. Weddings I mean. Every vow is sacred. Every step taken forward is a step taken as man and wife until death do us part. From the first dance to that first kiss. Standing at the sidelines you wish the couple all the happiness and love in the world cause that's what people in the sidelines are there for anyway :)

Young love is amazing, long lasting love even more...

For all those in Love - don't ever give up. Love ain't easy but it sure is worth the price.


You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
Its hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small

But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Show me a smile then,
Don't be unhappy, can't remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there




~Cyndi Lauper

Monday, November 28, 2011

Too late to apologise but still...

Ever feel like you spend half your life apologising for things you didn't say or that they came out the wrong way or that it was taken out of context or you meant what you said at that point in time but after you calmed down you realised it was a horrible thing to mutter and so you...

Apologise.

Which doesn't count for much AFTER the damage is done.

Anyway to all those I have snapped at, wrote shit about, spoken shit about, bitched about, I really am sorry.

Cleaning out all the cobwebs in my closet right now and then gonna sit inside and lock myself up so that way no more hurtful words come out and play.

I apologise again for the pain and the hurt.

My life after all is one big sorry.

"Sorry is the Kool-Aid of human emotions. It's what you say when you spill a cup of coffee or throw a gutterball when you're bowling with the girls in the leage. True sorrow is as rare as true love."


-- Stephen King, Carrie

Monday, November 21, 2011

Wings of a Dove


Dolly Parton has been one of those country singers who has left a huge scar in my heart with her vocal range and soulful singing. It's great to finally praise God and sing an amazing song sung by her too :)

Friday, November 18, 2011

The Beautiful Letdown

Lost myself for a nickel for a minute back there.

In 26 years, I have been through much tougher situations where circumstances before me have left me rubbing my face in the snow for a long long time. Yet at every faltering step, I got up and plowed through the ice.

I was victorious.

I can and I will do it again. With Christ as my light nothing is to difficult for me.

Point to Self: God will never give me anything I can't handle.

Happiness is where you are and what you want to be
If you look your sure to find the rainbow of your dreams
Tomorrow's fuller than a thousand yesterdays
With a vision of a new day in your heart

Stillness is my neighbour. God is my peace.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

I believe...

That I can't fight this world alone
That I will never be strong
That I can't ever see your face again
Cause I know not what's right & what's wrong.

I believe...

That I have no past, no present, no future
That I am this insignificant nobody
That this flickering flame should just die
That all that I have to give
That all of it is dead.

I believe...

That I have lost nothing since I had nothing
That I am a fragile butterfly with wings to burn
That I am a waste of space
That I have no purpose, no road, just numbness to guide me
That like a dew drop, I wish I could go away from here soon.

I believe... d.

Friday, September 30, 2011

You got me...

- Why should I want for anything more when all the riches in the world are right here in my heart.

- I didn't say Love is in the air...  I said Love isn't the end.

- Realization - It's when people say it doesn't matter that it matters the most.

- You only get one shot at Love. If your holding out for another one with the same person... Don't. Move on.

- Be loyal to none, but one.

- What beauty lacks the personality attracts.

- It has to get worse before it gets better.

- Is one angry bird!

- I kiss & tell.

- If you wanna get over someone, get under someone (else)

- I'd rather see you happy with someone else than be unhappy with me. Wouldn't you want the same for me?

- I have a feeling about you and me, I have a feeling about us. Can this be our prayer?

- I think I have finally found myself - in You.

- Our heads are clear about us... I hope our hearts follow.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Coward of the County - Kenny Rogers

Everyone considered him

The coward of the county

He'd never stood one single time

To prove the county wrong

His mama named him Tommy

But folks just called him yellow

Something always told me

They were reading Tommy wrong


He was only ten years old

When his daddy died in prison

I looked after Tommy

'Cause he was my brother's son

I still recall the final words

My brother said to Tommy

Son my life is over

But yours has just begun


Promise me, son

Not to do the things I've done

Walk away from trouble if you can

Now it don't mean you're weak

If you turn the other cheek

And I hope you're old enough to understand

Son, you don't have to fight to be a man


There's someone for everyone

And Tommy's love was Becky

In her arms he didn't have

To prove he was a man

One day while he was working

The Gatlin boys came calling

They took turns at Becky

N'there was three of them

Tommy opened up the door

And saw his Becky crying

The torn dress, the shattered look

Was more than he could stand

He reached above the fireplace

Took down his daddy's picture

As his tears fell on his daddy's face

he heard these words again


Promise me, son

Not to do the things I've done

Walk away from trouble if you can

Now it don't mean you're weak

If you turn the other cheek

And I hope you're old enough to understand

Son, you don't have to fight to be a man


The Gatlin boys just laughed at him

When he walked into the barroom

One of them got up

And met him half way cross the floor

Tommy turned around they said

Hey look, old yeller's leavin'

You could've heard a pin drop

When Tommy stopped and locked the door


Twenty years of crawling

Was bottled up inside him

He wasn't holding nothing back

He let 'em have it all

Tommy left the bar room

Not a Gatlin boy was standing

He said, This one's for Becky

As he watched the last one fall

N' I heard him say


I promised you, Dad

Not to do the things you've done

I walk away from trouble when I can

Now please don't think I'm weak

I didn't turn the other cheek

Papa, I sure hope you understand

Sometimes you gotta fight

When you're a man


Everyone considered him

The coward of the county

Monday, August 8, 2011

How well do you know your friendly neighbourhood conductor?

Most of us go through life not ‘really’ knowing the people who play an immensely important role in our day-to-day lives. I’m trying to pen down details of all those people who I see every day and in my small way trying to say thank you by noting down their ‘real-life’ script forever.

My name is Raju B. and I am a BEST conductor. I started working with the BEST on March 16, 2009.

From childhood, I always wanted to have a government job. In other jobs, they can remove you anytime, so your future is not secure. In a government job, you get a pension plan, even if you’re not well educated. I am a 12th graduate.

Right now, other than the BEST job, I work in collections with a bank, which I have been doing since the eighth grade. I have learned how to talk, listen and interact with people through this job.

My dad was in the army. On the line of fire, he hurt his hand and chose to retire. He joined the BEST as a driver and climbed the ladder from there. He first became a Starter, then a TC collector and another promotion saw him becoming an Officer in the Clearing Department. In the beginning, I wanted to join the army too but my dad said ‘no’ as the army life was tough.

I did a one-year mechanical course from a technical school. I worked at Ashok Leyland for six-months but I never left my collection job. Right now, even though I work with the BEST during the day, I still do my collection job in the evening. Even if I fall sick, I will take a day off from the BEST but not from my collection work.

To get into the BEST, I had to visit the RTO where I was required to fill up a CID enquiry form, which takes about six months to process. Then I got my No Objection Letter (NOC), my license and my conductor badge.

The BEST was hiring so there was a huge rush for the batches which were soon to begin. I went to Dindoshi Depot, which was closest to my house. The training centre is next to Dinsoshi Depot where the housing quarters are. There were more than 150 of us. They took about 75 of us and checked our papers inside. You have to be a tenth standard pass and have to know Marathi, which is compulsory. There is no reservation quota. A person from any caste can join as long as he has the badge and speaks and understands Marathi.

So I got my training number. Your license badge is your identity proof. I got a book of all the rules and regulations which have to be followed. It gives information on how to punch the tickets, how to use the bell in the bus. One is to stop, two is to go and three is if there is an ambulance, or if someone urgently has to get off.

So, you start of being a conductor, then a driver, then a starter, then a ticket collector, then the depot officer and so on. Your pay scale is based on the position you hold.
There are different seating arrangements for the handicapped, old people and ladies. If a man sits on a ladies seat and doesn’t get up when requested, the conductor will ring the bell three times and the driver will take the bus straight to the police station. Since the person has delayed the bus, he will pay a fine for the BEST losing money, have a case filed against him and pay a penalty for breaking the rules.

Shifts are on a rotational basis and may be different every week. Take the 347 route for example. I could have nine rounds in a day. Four rounds in the morning then I get a break for an hour-and-half and then take another five rounds. We have a timetable where we write down the bus no., the route no., what time we start our route, which round was it, the bus driver and his no., which driver drove the bus to the depot… If I get delayed anywhere because of traffic etc, and it eats up my break by default, I will get a half hour break. If I have a longer route, I will get longer breaks.

Whatever my calling time is to start work I have to come in 15 minutes early to collect my tickets and get all my change sorted. The permanent staff gets Rs 100 from the government as change. Until we become permanent, part-timer’s use Rs 200 from their salary as the change and at the end of the day, they take their Rs 200 back. The rest that we earn we give it to the BEST. To avoid any problems, we can take more than Rs 200 change again based on the route we are going in. A good conductor will know how much change is needed and come prepared.

If the conductor loses money, he puts in money from his own pocket. If ever he is called to have his bag checked it is the biggest insult for any conductor. He has to give a written account of how much money he made and correspond that with the tickets he has sold. If he did not have change to give you, he will write behind the ticket how much he owes, his name, badge no., date with his signature and you can get your money back from Wadala depot.

A driver or a conductor does not get a free ride, only when he is coming or going to work. When he is travelling in the bus, he cannot wear the uniform at all. The family gets no benefits of a cheaper bus pass. You can avail of the BEST quarters only after you become permanent and the rent for staying there is cut from your salary.

Our work has become lighter with people getting bus passes and having bus cards. Each of us is supposed to have a machine to check people’s card. Sometimes when we do not have one and I ask, “Do you have a pass?” and you say yes, even though the pass has expired, if the TC catches you that will not be his fault.

How do you understand a bus ticket: For example, if you have a Rs 25 ticket, it will have the month, date and year written on it in Marathi. The year will be written as 9,0,1. Since we are in 2011 we punch 1. On the right side is month and on the left side are the days of the month. The magic pass/ticket which work on Sundays and holidays, works anywhere in Mumbai on any BEST bus minus the AC bus.

A child ticket is minus one of a half ticket. For e.g. If an adult is Rs 8, a child would be half that is Rs 4 minus Re 1 which is Rs 3. Luggage will cost the amount that you spend on your ticket. A 3x6 luggage will cost that much as they do not look at weight. A child is charged above 3 yrs. A blind person gets a ticket for Re 1 but he has to get a pass from the BEST to avail of it.

On a regular day you can travel throughout Mumbai with a pink colour Rs 25 ticket. On a trial basis, the BEST has started using machines which electronically give out the tickets. However, there are some issues with the machines which conductors face, like paper jams etc.
My last thought is when you enter the bus, bring change. Buses also travel on time. Buses come at regular intervals. So, do not jump into a crowded bus but wait for another one.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

'The Resurrection' according to BS!

“Jesus waited three days to come back to life. It was perfect! If he had only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard he died. They'd be all, "Hey Jesus, what up?" and Jesus would probably be like, "What up? I died yesterday!" and they'd be all, "Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude..." and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, and how it was a miracle, and the dude'd be like "Uhh okay, whatever you say, bro..." And he's not gonna come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy, doing chores, workin' the loom, trimmin' the beard, NO. He waited the perfect number of days, three. Plus it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already, and they're all in there like "Oh no, Jesus is dead", and then BAM! He bursts in the back door, runnin' up the aisle, everyone's totally psyched, and FYI, that's when he invented the high five. That's why we wait three days to call a woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait.... True story.”


~Barney Stinson

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

A prayer from S 'Slick' S

Dear Lord,
Please take care of this one....she is a bit wacko, and completely over the top, but I love her a lot...and I think she deserves all the happiness in the world and more...coz she has a lovely and kind heart.

Also, please make her a bit more top heavy (in the brains dept)... coz she doesnt knw how good a person she is...and any moron who doesnt recognise that...well, it is HIS loss.

Sincerly,

Her friend indeed

Sunday, July 10, 2011

The shadow

All through the night
The shadow grows darker
There is no light
But only madness

I know not what the future brings
I know not what I seek
But my dreams shall lead me
To the one that makes me weak

My journeys have been long
The silence even longer
The path has grown weary
But I have emerged stronger

Know this, for I am merciful
Forgiving in plenty
Yet my spirit
Does not forget, never forgets.

In dreams have I seen
A beauty beyond dreams
Hope there is yet
For me to believe
In love and eternal peace

~Penned, Nov 2009.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Peth Special: Jain Chicken for Rs 400 only (Trek to Kothaligad)

About two weeks back, an animated Ms Frost interrupted my peaceful breakfast session with an invitation of sorts for an adventure trek. God knows why I said 'YES' even though some of my best buddies preferred to say 'NO' to the whole affair.


The eagerly anticipated trek to Peth was supposed to get underway with all us trekkies gathering at Dadar station. The signs were quite ominous as Ms Frost and Lil Hobbit (Movin) made me wait for a freakin 900 seconds on the wrong platform!

The 3 idiots finally met, all set, for a two hour train journey, which actually turned out to be a love train for some sexually charged gay men. Somehow, I managed to make my way through the compartment — saving my precious izzat — carrying the supplies I needed for the weekend on my back.

Ms Frost, after abandoning us at Dadar Station for a seat in the empty ladies coach, joined us midway as she couldn't stay away from us for too long. Finally, we reached Karjat at 12.15 am not before some heated debates, to put it mildly, on all that there is to talk.

At Karjat, we were greeted by jovial volunteers of the Aasamant group, Santosh and Vaibhav, surrounded by the rest of the trekking family. For me, it was an 'out of the frying pan into the fire' kind of a situation as our designated rick to our Five Star Abode gave me a sore back. Strike one Frost!

After much struggle, we touched base at a typical desi style inn complete with no beds, no sofa, no TV, no AC and yes no bathrooms — even POWs get them these days man! Strike two Frost!

We found our sleeping spots and laid down our Rs 100 raj gaddis (sleeping mats). The spot turned out to be a nightmare for me as the person next to me started snoring. What supposed to be a four hour sleep turned into a five minute shuteye. Strike three Frost!

Next day kicked off with a hot cutting and biscuits (Anna’s chai 5/5 compared to this one). Before venturing out into the mountains, we had a formal round of introduction with the rest of the group.

My first piece of advice from Ms Frost (my mentor) was to speak less and use my nose to breathe - in short, to save energy and stay in silent mode. We were making our way through roads and gravel until we stopped for my first picture during the trek. It drizzled on and off which made the trek, the weather and the company even more pleasant. On our way, we saw glimpses of anthills, dragonflies, spideys and dogs. We missed seeing a small snake. :(

Before we reached our breakfast point, my left shoe had started to show signs of trouble. Well, at least the breakfast was yummy — spicy poha (Jain of course). Also at the same spot, I lifted Chelsea with a bullock cart. Displaying my super strength, I finally put an end to Frost’s famous dialogue: “Ek phook maroongi and saala tu udd jayega”. She uses the term Saala, with pyaar, of course.

The trek finally resumed after breakfast through proper hilly areas. I almost forgot to mention about our Lord of the Swings (Movin) snap at this particular point.


From hereon is where I felt the real trek had begun. I ran out of luck on hilly areas and lost my left shoe sole.

I learned a very important lesson as to how to use your hands and placing your foot while climbing and that sometimes it is necessary to take the right route even though it’s lengthy.

We reached Peth Fort and entered a cave-like place where there was a temple. About 50 steps later and we reached our final destination.

A guide explained in Marathi how the fort was actually captured and lost by Marathas in ancient times. Ms Frost and I were the only ones who couldn't understand Marathi (sorry Raj Thackeray) so we had to depend on Santosh translation.

The view at the pinnacle of Kothaligad is drop dead gorgeous. Surprisingly, we were also offered delicious cake by the Aasamant team right at the top.

After that the toughest part of my trek started — the descent — which earlier I had considered a piece of cake. By this time I had lost my left shoe with only the top covering remaining. My foot was wide open for bruises.

The first 15 steps going down were a bit scary. I feel I need another 2-3 more treks and I should overcome my fear of heights. I'd like to mention that I was a bit slow compared to my professional friends but it was fun nevertheless.

In Pain I Believe.

As per plan, I drew first blood after falling down which I am proud to say has given me a nice battle scar.

The agony continued to pile on as my second sole gave way. Now I was in a hurry to get down and finally get rid of my fucking shoes. The trek finally ended at the base at around 2pm.

Getting rid of my shoes was the highlight of my day.

After we changed our clothes I had to wait for my Special Jain Sabji for half an hour not before taking roti and rice and sitting idle, waiting for the sabji. The wait however, was worth it. That amazing Jain Spicy Sabji reminded me of my Grandpa’s place.

We reached Karjat station and I realised that I needed to buy chappals, Ms Frost forgot her rain coat, Vaibhav lost his glares and the worst was yet to come - a one day old friend lost his HTC Desire HD phone :P

But me, I got a lovely pair of chappals for 80 bucks and boarded the train back to Mumbai.

Things learned from my first trek

Trek Shoes: Be Wise, Don’t use LEVIS

Trek Bag: Carry light weight clothes. A proper trekking bag is also important for balance

At the end, I would like to thank Hobbit, who had been really helpful throughout the trek.

Three cheers to the Aasamant team made up of Santosh and Vaibhav for taking immense care of me and making sure I get tasty Jain food.

Last but not the least, Ms Frost for my first trekking experience, the unending Gujju jokes, Gujju galis (some new ones), fights, excellent insights, being the camera person and all in all for being a great friend.



Here’s to our first and many more adventures in the future.

- Riken (Edited by Chelsea, of course)

Thursday, June 30, 2011

~Timeless~

Listen up!
I don't wanna feel anything anymore
I just wanna be free of your hold
I want you gone cause I don't think I'm over you yet, if ever
Yet, in a way I am... Make sense?
...I'm not myself!

But I refuse to believe the sun has set on me
Even though I know you've given up on me
My feelings are frozen like my name suggests
Burned by all the lies
Just want you to call and say it's gonna be all right
Cause we got each other babe!

But your so You!
You don't see the endless yearning in my eyes
While I'm driving around in circles
One more shot, one more chance?

I can't risk it, vulnerable to the bone
Life's fucked me over way too many times
For me to risk you, risk us
I love you in my own way,
But I'll find my footing again...
I Hope.

:")

 

Thursday, June 9, 2011

~Inner Peace~

I have been sailing in bad weather for a while as many people will attest. I can finally say, however, that I am sailing the seven seas high and dry again... As the winds HAVE changed!

I am not sure how, to be honest. Something I heard, something I felt, something I saw, something I read... I really don't know. What I do know is it's a combination of all the factors that have been playing out over the last couple of months and all of that has culminated into one single moment which is etched so perfectly in my eyes.

Did I waste a lot of time? Yes and no. Yes, cause I am sure there were better things to achieve and accomplish than day-dreaming. No, because the dreams contained You. I learned even with all that pain, there were droplets of happiness. So I am thankful and grateful for that. I felt again. That is what I set out to proove to myself anyway. So, mission accomplished.

But I have lost much... And I am not only talking about my weight and love handles. But, hopefully, this is my road to recovery *again*.

I wish I could share what I am feeling right now. It is soooo heady - this feeling of complete bliss, complete in-your-face kind of mojo kick-ass on-top-of-the-world moment, this I-am-perfect and I-am-whole feeling.. It has come at the perfect time!

For now, my yesterdays have all been washed and neatly put away while I continue to feel comfortably numb with inner peace :")

While saying a prayer in the train today morning these words came to me...

When the road is wrought with sadness
And despair blankets you like a sea of pain
Reach out to Christ your Saviour
To help fight the unbeatable tide and live again!


Laughin, Lovin, Livin!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Broken Spirit

Broken Spirit
Don't  let them take me down
Dry my tears, help me face my fears
Laugh with me till I erase that frown

Broken Spirit
How long will the night stay dark
When he looks my way
Is he hear to stay
Or will his shadow steer me clear away

Broken Spirit
Lift your broken arrow
Pierce the wound once more
So that I may feel again
Live again
Love again

Broken Spirit
Hear my silent prayer
Let me go, away from him
Into thy bosom care.

                                                         ~CBS~



Tuesday, May 17, 2011

My first Dream Catcher...


Dream catchers are arts and crafts of the Native American people. The original web dream catcher of the Ojibwa was intended to teach natural wisdom. Nature is a profound teacher. Dream catchers of twigs, sinew, and feathers have been woven since ancient times by Ojibwa people. They were woven by the grandfathers and grandmothers for newborn children and hung above the cradleboard to give the infants peaceful, beautiful dreams. The night air is filled with dreams. Good dreams are clear and know the way to the dreamer, descending through the feathers. The slightest movement of the feathers indicated the passage of yet another beautiful dream. Bad dreams, however, are confused and confusing. They cannot find their way through the web and are trapped there until the sun rises and evaporates them like the morning dew.


“When birds fall from the sky and the animals are dying, a new tribe of people shall come unto the earth from many colors, classes, creeds, who by their actions and deeds shall make the earth green again. They will be known as the warriors of the Rainbow.” ~Hopi prophecy


Last night I slept with a dream catcher over my bed gifted to me by Sunita Lillywhite. I dreamed of vortexes, tunnel and tunnels of them, all in swirling colours, with me inside flying by... just gliding from one tunnel to the next... lost. I wondered if this was the beginning of the end for me. Felt like Alice for a bit... Just couldn't get my head around how deep the rabbit hole was gonna go.

The dream catcher is working hand-in-hand with the Good Shepherd to get his lost sheep find her way back home.

Thank you, is all I can say.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Taking requests

I love Baby Lilly aka my guitar. I'm a PassĂ© singer (check out my youtube link by clicking here).

I have been getting a couple of requests to sing... But I will do so only if you tell me the name of the song and who you would like to dedicate it too... I'll try my best to get the notes for the chords, clear my throat and belt out the tune...

Anyway, so I am accepting requests. Leave a note with  your song and dedication. If you want a hindi song - NO! lol.

Cheers!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Someday


Someday I’ll dance for all the world to see
Someday I’ll dance, and they’ll know I am free!
My two-step will lead the way
I’ll count each breath, every minute, every second of every day
Someday

Someday I’ll stand at the edge of a cliff
Jumping up and down, I’ll use my vocalizer to scream – I am free!
There will be nobody; Just me, myself and I
 I’ll make a solemn vow, we three will never go our separate ways
Someday

Someday I’ll walk in the wild
Telling my natural mother – I am free!
I’ve done my very best on Earth, both with four legged and two
Now take me home to thee
Someday

Someday, I’ll know who I am
What I am worth
And who is worth me
Cause I’ll see it in His eyes
And He will see it in mine
Someday






~CBS~

Monday, April 25, 2011

Fading Away

Like the last drop of dew
Hanging by a prayer
From her faint heart she weeps
Weeps out her despair

She guards her love against her bosom
So no one can see
The darkness that clouds her world
Her vision an empty serenity

While you stripped away her nakedness

She begged you for life
What was not hers to give, yet was your's to take
You took it all without any guilt or strife

She now lies in shambles, worn and forlorn
Hopelessly waiting for dawn, come morn
Her prayers go unanswered, the silence seems long
To bring meaning back into her miserable existence
She rises from the darkness
Brushes off her bruises, to stand again strong

~CBS~


Tuesday, April 19, 2011

News that makes me angry

It is news like this which upsets me. If you can hit a ball the government will gift you a house, car, property, no to forget the crores you make through endorsement of XYZ products. Then along comes a fireman who saves your effing backside... AND THIS IS HOW WE THANK THEM!
Salute to the Indian men in uniform!

This is what the Karnataka deemed the perfect gift for our brave firefighters. Rs 100.

They should return the money back asking the government to shove it where the sun don't shine.

Blood boiling as I pen this. After the World Cup and IPL crap, just goes to show how people think in this country.

WAKE UP AND SMELL THE B***S*** PEOPLE!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Its not easy to be me...


I 'actually' started following Lent last year. First Lent. I decided to skip my afternoon meal and facebook. I cheated on facebook by going through my notifications on gmail. Ha ha. As for the meal, well I did miss it but I made up for it by eating double at about 4 pm (chai break after all).

This year I decided to push myself. No non-veg, no alcohol (I was looking for an excuse to give it up completely anyway), no facebook (yeah again), no chatting and no stupid spending.

Let us take my abstinence to the above-mentioned one by one.

No non-veg: I had egg. Had too. Needed calcium. Not an excuse but that is the only thing I allowed myself. BUT I cheated once. Mom made tongue curry and I smelt it every time I put my nose in the fridge. Then one day I cleaned the kitchen and saw the handi in there and was like - chuck it man. I need to TASTE!!! Felt like a kid who had gotten caught with her hand in the cookie jar when my nana came to see what I was up to. Hmmm...

No alcohol: Stuck to it like glue thankyouverymuch! I have decided one beer as a social thing. But that is it. No more hard liquor. I'm done.

No facebook: I gave in to temptation occasionally to see what people were doing. I tried. I succeeded partly. Next year I will be stronger. (I may close my account, maybe)

No chatting: Worked. Only chatted with Chelson. Have too. No compromise there.

No stupid spending: Worked that one well. Saved over three grand. *sigh* If only Lent came every alternate month.

What I stopped, made me start things I normally pushed off. Started praying more, playing the guitar more, blogging, calligraphy, practiced typing, reading, walking, spending more time learning new things... I dunno, I have done tons these 6-7 weeks. I know.

I'm not  proud of the promises I broke but during my reflections every day I realised that Lent is there to remind me that no matter how many times I fail and fall, Christ tells me to pick myself right back up and try again. Moreover, if I falter along the way again, stand right back up and walk with head held high.

I mean look at it this way. The Stations of the Cross take us through the pain and agony Christ suffered for our sins. He fell three times, maybe more, stumbled, was spat at, hurled stones at, abused, beaten, crown of thorns dug into his skull... I mean the movie 'Passion of Christ' just showed us how brutal we as people could be. However, through His divine spirit he was able to carry his mortal body on to Golgotha.

Even in His last hour, He chose to forgive.

I will never forget the words - Eli, Eli, lamma sabacthani? That is, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?"

The beauty of Christ's undying love for us lie in those words, lie in the very cry that he makes to God to answer him. All of us cry out to God to save us from the pain that we are in, always questioning His ways, always asking - do we ever say Thank You for graces we do receive?

To conclude, I just want to reiterate to those who see my weakness as a waste of time for doing it. I tried. I may have failed in your eyes, but in Christ’s I have won the fight! J That is the beauty of being human. No matter how often we fall, He holds our hand and guides us towards the right path again.

Was reading a bit and found this so thought I would share them.

Seven sayings

The seven sayings form part of a Christian meditation that are often used during Lent, Holy Week and Good Friday. The traditional order of the sayings is:

Father forgive them, for they know not what they do (Luke 23:34).
Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in paradise (Luke 23:43).
Woman, behold your son: behold your mother (John 19:26-27).
My God, My God, why have you forsaken me, (Matthew 27:46 and Mark 15:34).
I thirst (John 19:28).
It is finished (John 19:30).
Father, into your hands I commit my spirit (Luke 23:46).


May we never lose heart when faced with the contempt  of this world which ridicules our obedience to Your will

I sang and played the song Superman by Five for Fighting - A favourite of mine, which reminds me always that it truly is not easy to be ME!

God Bless.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Another day, another lie

So much in my mind, confused half the time
Yelling at self, brings not the least bit calm
The silence is even worse, worse than the despair
I feel

Eyes are filled with sweet blood that ran dry
Soft and forlorn I lie dead to the world
Lost in the spiral of never ending lies
My fear has taken over, the end is near


Denying self pleasure is not as bad as knowing
I will never see those black pools
That sunk me beneath the frail walls
To lie chained for the rest of eternity

I scrape the rock hoping to hear you call my name
The air lies still and empty around me
Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
Just another day, just another lie

I am devoid of the ache

                                                                               Now and forever...

                                                                                                         ~CBS~

Friday, April 8, 2011

Can India's modern day Gandhi 'Anna Hazare' bring about an Obama-styled CHANGE?

By now, you all must have heard about “Anna Hazare’s fasts unto death”, “Jan LokPal Bill”, “India Against Corruption Movement” etc… See if you can pitch in with even the smallest of your contribution in any way.



Latest News:

Anna Hazare’s fast enters fourth day



Government in dilemma as Anna's fast enters fourth day


Anna Hazare's 5-point letter to PM

What is the Jan Lokpal Bill?

Drafted by Justice Santosh Hegde, Prashant Bhushan and Arvind Kejriwal, this Bill has been refined on the basis of feedback received from the public on websites and after series of public consultations. It has also been vetted by and is supported by Shanti Bhushan, J M Lyngdoh, Kiran Bedi, Anna Hazare etc. It was sent to the PM and all CMs on December 1, 2010, but there has been no update on its implementation since then.


1. An institution called LOKPAL at the centre and LOKAYUKTA in each state will be set up.

2. Like the Supreme Court and the Election Commission, they will be completely independent of all governments. No minister or bureaucrat will be able to influence their investigations.

3. Cases against corrupt people will not linger for years anymore: Investigations in any case will have to be completed in one year. Trial should be completed in next one year so that the corrupt politician, officer or judge is sent to jail within two years.

4. The loss that a corrupt person caused to the government will be recovered at the time of conviction.

5. How will it help a common citizen: If any work of any citizen is not done in prescribed time in any government office, Lokpal will impose financial penalty on guilty officers, which will be given as compensation to the complainant.

6. So, you could approach Lokpal if your ration card or passport or voter card is not being made or if police is not registering your case or any other work is not being done in prescribed time. Lokpal will have to get it done in a month’s time. You could also report any case of corruption to Lokpal like ration being siphoned off, poor quality roads being constructed or panchayat funds being siphoned off. Lokpal will have to complete its investigations in a year, trial will be over in next one year and the guilty will go to jail within two years.

7. But won’t the government appoint corrupt and weak people as Lokpal members? That won’t be possible because its members will be selected by judges, citizens and constitutional authorities and not by politicians, through a completely transparent and participatory process.

8. What if some officer in Lokpal becomes corrupt? The entire functioning of Lokpal/ Lokayukta will be completely transparent. Any complaint against any officer of Lokpal shall be investigated and the officer dismissed within two months.


9. What will happen to existing anti-corruption agencies? CVC, departmental vigilance and anti-corruption branch of CBI will be merged into Lokpal. Lokpal will have complete powers and machinery to independently investigate and prosecute any officer, judge or politician.


Why fast unto death? Will our deaf government listen to this?


Last time when Anna sat on a fast -

• 6 corrupt ministers in Maharashtra had to resign
• 400 corrupt officers were dismissed from job
• 2002 - Maharashtra RTI Act was passed
• 2006 - Central Government withdrew its proposal to amend Central RTI Act

Now Anna is fasting to demand Jan Lokpal Bill. JAN LOKPAL BILL will act as a deterrent and instill fear in the minds of corrupt people.



Last but not the least…What can YOU Do?


· Sign up to fast for a day to show your Solidarity with Anna Hazare


· Contact the City Coordinators to participate in the local rally/other activities in your city to support

· Keep a tab on this initiative by checking the latest news



P.S: These are not my words but a mail doing the rounds. Show your support by sending this to people. Forwarding this mail to your contacts is also a kind gesture of your contribution towards this movement.


Change is coming!!!


Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Kitchen tales with my right hand chef!

Got some time to kill so just wanted to write about the gazillion things that drive Chelsea each moment, of every minute, of every hour, of every day.

A great day so far. I attempted to make dal with drumsticks and a side dish of cabbage and potatoes with my Jane Doe - Nana dearest. Lol. It was a treat. She snuck up to the gas adding her own ingredients every time my back was turned. And a couple of glasses of water because - 'the cabbage wasn't cooking na chelsea'
The culprit behind my
masterpieces in the kitchen :P

... lol. I just stared at her.

"That's what I do too!!!"

Like Godmother, like grandchild, I always say.

I go to wash my hands only to come back to find some drumsticks floating in the cabbage. If you've ever seen videos of logs of wood floating downstream... well that's what my cabbage bhajji looked like. I yelled... NANA!!!!

She did the one thing she deserves an Oscar for... DAK - Deny All Knowledge.

I swear that woman is a first class act. You end up doubting your own intelligence and learn to swallow that the resident ghost was up to no good and did said mischief.

Then came the daal. 'Have you put salt?' I must have answered that question about a minimum 15 times. Ultimately, I forgot if I had put salt or not. So I added some.

Salty daal with drumsticks are in vogue people.

But it is fun cooking with my Grandmother/Godmother. So, you basically have two people in the kitchen - one who writes recipes on small scraps of paper and fixes a dish by throwing in her secret ingredient re: curd while the other doesn't remember she can cook but knows the ins and outs of a kitchen!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Who'll build the Church, We'll build the Church!

Going for collections every weekend is rewarding. For not only the spirit that it fills us with but also knowing, you are doing God's work.

I have been going off and on for almost two years now. And each visit to a new Church is filled with excitement, fun and most of all 'Hope' that people will donate generously through their pockets as well as send us loads of love through their prayers and best wishes.

It's a miracle. Every single time.

You feel so touched when you see the parishioners and the resident priests open their homes and their Church to us. They not only make you feel welcome but make you feel like you are one of them. Some of the Churches we have visited, have parishioners sharing their journey of the struggle they had to go through to build their Church and how they persevered and endeavoured, with a never-say-die attitude: WE WILL HAVE A CHURCH!

In God's good time, of course.

Transport is arranged for as well as refreshments and lunch, not to forget you get to know more parishioners from our parish but who knows, you might end up meeting that schoolteacher you troubled back in the day, or some of your family and friends. Trust me, we keep meeting people who ask us, 'Do you know Mrs. X or Mr. Y from your area?'

We go to the same Church for two consecutive weekends. The first weekend we go around handing out envelopes after every mass. Fr. Austin is our PR guy. He gets people noticing us with his flair for languages by pitching to them our need to build a Church. There is no fiction involved. He lays down the facts straight and simple - who we are, where we are located, how much we have collected, how much more do we need and how they can help us.

The following Sunday we go back to the same Church to collect the envelopes and have people drop them in our boxes. Simple isn't it?

I encourage those who have never gone through such an experience to sign up for this challenge. You go out not only representing St. Joseph but you go out as a witness to Christ. Moreover, as witnesses of Christ, this is our first small step - standing proudly with our sashes and caps and dabbas, asking for help from our own flock.

Also don't worry about breakfast, tea, lunch, snacks, etc... Your mama won't recognise you after Fr. Austin is done feeding you all the wada's and chai possible :D