Daily scribbles and drools... Day 39

Schadenfreude

The sadistic feeling of pleasure when someone else is in affliction. I'm feeling this huge sense of schadenfreude, like I dunno how to describe it. Lol

I love this word - just thought I'd use it a couple of times. I should use it at a personal and professional capacity as well ae?

Schadenfreude --- always have your back, not.

!

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 38

Where there's no Will, there's no way

Been watching The Good Wife with lacklustre feelings. Stopping it mid way ever since the courtroom one man massacre, just given up. Then I went and read that Kalinda is also leaving the following season, not to ignore that Kalinda and Alicia have been having zero screen time or conversations for quite awhile now. Absolutely shit. 

I think I'll finish the half episode that's left and drop the show which I've been so enthusiastic about. Will give me time to focus on my reading about surfing. 

P.s. I loved this blue on her. My one and only blue top of this shade is being given away. Crossing the tide in a way...

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 37

Rajodi beach

I went surfing in Bombay, of all places and something, I cross my heart and hope to die, is still unbelievable. Every time my feet touch the sand, whichever part of the world, there's this moment always, before I enter the water, I just take a pause and enjoy the feel of the sand.

This beach was off Virar and I had to take the train then a Tum Tum (this Dum dum kept hearing it being pronounced as Dum Dum) and then Suyash from the Mumbai Surf School - his own venture and I think a first in Mumbai, came and picked me up in his car.

Was a good journey overall.

But the experience in the water was nothing like I've ever experienced. I honestly do not think I've ever been in any water body in Bombay, not voluntarily at least. I quite forgot about the plastic problems and Versova Beach and all. I really had no trepeditions either which was good.

Tried surfing but the waves were just too hard for me. Kept falling off. I wasn't a fan of his Soft Board at all. His Fun Board was too wobly. But the best feeling of the day was I started getting a sense of the waves which were enough for me to paddle out. That was a lovely experience and if like to try that some more.

He told me to read and watch videos. It would help me improve my surfing techniques. My body is aching for the last two days but the pain is beyond worth it!

I'm determined to achieve one surf class a month. No matter what!

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 36

Mondays

Pure play denial. I can't understand why every Monday follows a pattern of exhaustion. Why!!!! Not like I rest enough on the weekend..  which come to think of it is something I really should be doing. What say? Sundays must go to bed early but it just doesn't happen. And then Mondays is just one big exhaust fest.

Wonder when I'm gonna change this pattern of stupidity.

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 35

“For us, pressure feels great.”

Thomas Müller, quoted before their jaw dropping, dizzying tizzying game against the Swedes. The stadium seemed overwhelmingly canary yellow last evening with the Germans facing a possible humiliating first round exit in the 2018 World Cup.

I couldn't breathe for quite a bit of the beautiful game last evening. The first half had me in shatters - Khedira and my beloved Ozil benched... I will admit they were playing harder than their 0-1 loss to Mexico but again being down a goal in the first half had me shaking.

The second half was sombre. You could feel the change in the wind, the ball was pretty much dribbling in between the legs of all players largely on the Swedish side so I'll give Germans points for playing a fabulous attack game in the second half and also acknowledge the superb defence of the Yellow. They really held on well until the very end. The 95th minute though - pure GOLD.

That has to be declared the goal of the World Cup. Reus' fabulous assist a few away from the corner, the better angle given for Kroos to get the ball in... Whataaaaaa GOOAALLLL!!!!

Müller, it turned out, had been correct all along. The pressure really did feel great!

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 34

Scenarios


Multiple. Playing in my head. All leading to the same outcome. But all dependant on his first move and my reaction to it. All emotional.

Doesn't work though. I've seen the stone wall. Untill there's a crack, you can't go back. Complete gravity moment right now. Can't be living this self inflicted chained life. Break free and leave me be.

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 33

"Moving on"

Last night I spent some time talking to an online connect about how to "unlove someone". While I was sharing my thoughts around it, it also took me back to the different people I've loved and who've left, the different kinds of love that I've experienced and how each has been such a treasure-filled moment.

I know there are people who can unlove a person. I've never wanted to be in that category. Unloving them, for me, would mean, I'd have to start hating them. And I don't and never will. It would mean me saying I made a mistake and I know what I felt and know each moment with them mattered.

You don't learn to unlearn them, you learn to love other people, other things, other experiences and in time, always in time, and always with the right effort -- the love you felt for them will settle down, opening yourself up to a new love.

Right now as I'm typing this I realise that I like to see all my attempts at all the kinds of relationships I've had over the years as some kind of talisman to hold onto. It's allowed me to be myself and I know you reading this would think I've made myself even more vulnerable, but I'd disagree. It's set me up to be more open, more vulnerable ,more authentic, compassionate, to laugh at others and myself, to understand who I am.

That's why I'm always going to keep loving, living, laughing. Always. 

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 32

"Bleeding Blue for our Blue"

3500 people || 7000 Hands || 8 JCBs || 8 Tractors || 12 truckloads of garbage || 1 Beach

@adidas as a brand is lit, because they drove this event "Run for the Ocean" at #VersovaBeach in undenying honesty. Not a single piece of plastic was used during the entire event. From the breakfast they served everyone to the packaging of all giveaways - no plastic! And this change was visible, especially if you're someone who's used to organisations marketing themselves without truly thinking about the imprint they leave on people's minds. To my beach bum blue team --- proud of Zone 1 for being so amazing and full of lit life!

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 31

One month

Well it took almost two months to get into religious writing mode but I think I did pretty okay. More dedication and diligence needed from laziness, however!

Why is writing so hard? Maybe pen and paper would be a better fit, no? But I've tried that and been burnt with people reading my diary. This was there is people's lazies to account for.

There's been quite a few ups and downs these last few days -- emotions are so confusing; they overwhlem you when you least expect it and you have no clue what triggered those floodgates.

I think it's something to do with the onset of weekends and reminders of how lonely it can get, if you're not with 'with' someone. Anyway, I've got things to do soooo!

Happy Monday 🐾

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 30

100%


In everything I do. In everything I am. In everything I'm ever gonna be.

I'm gonna give it my 100%.

I have no room for half in, half out people and situations anymore. I'm not a grey area person and I find that with that kinda clarity I'm able to make better decisions than being stuck on middle ground like a headless hen.

And it helps, this perspective. Because you don't give mediocrity a chance... You start appreciating how hard you work, the quality time you spend with quality people and you find that there's so much more to life than just hanging by a thread.

Working on this positive stroke!

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 29

A-Bay video is up!

https://drive.google.com/folderview?id=1jR2ML8pKFKyApqgHTpMARXb-SkaWbEZy

While you notice my wonderful editing skills do take time out to notice my newly developed surfing skills as well. I really wish I'd kept videos of me tumbling into the water as well... But too self critical hehehe

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 28

Blocked.


1.5 years.

I finally did it last night. Went and checked both your handles and literally felt myself die a little when I found you'd unfollowed me as well. Texted you thanks and you said what for. Because you hadn't unless I blocked and unblocked.

Grrrrrrrr....

Asked if you'd ever follow through.


Just a smiley back.


So I blocked and deleted your number.


No more.

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 27

The Corrs

Walking home last evening was sweltering. And keeping pace with me were an all time fav - The Corrs. I always wonder how these 90s Bands are faring considering the music scene has shifted considerably and the exposure to older music from parents and grand parents to kids isn't the same anymore.

Probably that's how I got attached to gospel, country, the classics. And you'd pick up a certain kinda music even in college where everyone would expose you to their 'vibe'. You're sitting around, drinking, smoking and there are tunes belting outta the laptop or someone's ancient music system.

I can't recollect how I began listening to The Corrs. All I know is, they are till date one of my all time favs.

P.s. Their Unplugged album -- chumma!

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 26

Your 'high'ness

Went on a four glass JD Tennessee Fire drinking spree.

Why?

Because she deserved it.

For doing everything right yet still being everything that's wrong.

Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em all!

The poll was fun and so is every other shit story post. Must stop this garbage though.

Starting tomorrow.

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 25

Amazon Music
.
.
Discovered that they also have original songs of high quality which would make great karaoke sessions. Decided to give it a try and went on a binge downloading A-minus tracks of old Norah Jones' hits. Needless to say they've been on loop in me petty mind and today I had the opportunity to do a cover in the comfort of my bedroom, in my towel, after a well-deserved shower and the first signs of a down pour.

Sang, sunrise. It just cheers me up so much. And that cute dance she does just before the bridge... Loveeeeee! Then had a brainwave to maybe get a hair cut and become a replica of her. Hahahaha yeahhhh no. But I'd like to officially state that the recording went real well that even I'm surprised!

Dunno how I can put an audio clip here but anyway, it's on my phone. Ask and it shall be shared. Lol. 

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 24

She was randomly hobbling on the street a bit ahead of Hub mall and just before Mrinaltai Gore flyover at Goregaon east. I was heading home from work at 6.30pm when I saw her limping using her stick -- she was top naked.

I did a double take.

She sat down below the flyover on the footpath and began pulling leaves and wiping her private area. She was clearly mentally unstable. And muttering to herself. I began dialling 103 and 100 and after a couple of tries I got through 103 and explained what was happening and someone needed to come and help.

Meanwhile one of the watchmen or a labourer came and offered her a workers shirt to cover herself up. She refused it. But still they were able to drape it around her shoulders. Such a humbling moment that was... To watch those who barely have a piece of material to cover themselves... Daily male labourers offering her clothing and concerned she was exposing herself. Educated people for the hour long drama were walking past, left, right, in front of her, over her... In their happy place. No complaints. I told one of the workers who said why was I doing this and why wasn't any other educated person helping... I told him to not worry about others... Just do the best you can. I hope he understood what I was getting at.

Then they tried to button it up which she started getting angry about and then they left her alone after I intervened saying don't force her. They got her water and some food but she thew the food at me and poured the water on herself. I put out a tweet, I think then. And also kept dialling 100 and 103. 20 mins had passed. These helplines take forever. There seems to be no platform which has any list of help for anyone with mental issues.

Gave up searching on Google. She then began to cross the street and so I followed her till she reached across the road and made sure she was safely sitting down.

I tweeted again asking for help but I don't think anyone in Mumbai has anything. A female constable finally arrived at about 7.20 followed by some other policemen.

The struggle was not to get her in the van... Of which two three construction workers of the metro helped as the policemen didn't seem inclined. Once in, she laid down on the floor of the van and tried to sleep. They threw her stick away because they were scared she would hit someone. The challenge was they didn't know what to do with her. There is no system in place which assists people or children who are mentally ill. None of the few NGOs I called could I get through. The cops were grumbling about the process and the paperwork and how the female constable may have to do a longer shift. It was really sad and I didn't say anything because it wasn't my place. I think they need sensitivity training first and foremost because they didn't know how to talk to her, even when they were talking to me they were coming across as very insensitive and I don't blame them because this is not their area of expertise. But I guess the learning comes from having someone in your family who has similar woes and the way you care for them is the only way you'll understand why I did what I did last evening.

I went with them in the van and we went to the Goregaon police station. This was my first time in a police can. Yes, I was a little nervous. During the bumpy ride, while the van took a sharp turn, I fell on her and she screamed and scratched me... I wasn't frightened for myself but more for her and what all she must have gone through in life for her to scream that petrified scream.

When we reached the police station, they motioned to her to come out. She struggled without her stick. And sat quietly outside the entrance of the station, lost in her own world. I went in and stood twiddling my thumbs while everyone was speaking in rapid fire Marathi.

They finally acknowledged me and took down my information and how did I spot her and what circumstances led me to help her.i detailed all of that. Then the night inspector in charge got his staff to start calling the list of helplines to find anyone who would take her in. After about 15 mins I asked them what is going on and will she be taken someplace safe because it wasn't safe for her on the street. This cop says - don't you have bharosa on the police. I said no, truthfully. He asked me the same question 3 times and all the time I said no and then he says... Then you take her to your home.

The inspector figured that a fight would ensue cuz we were arguing in raised voices so I clarified that they didn't have a system in place which made me question if I could depend on them to do the right thing and get her to a shelter home.

At 8.40 the inspector told me to go home and that he would take responsibility for her and that a complaint was lodged.

Called the inspector today. They took her to a chembur home but they said they accept women of a younger age. So she came back with them and stayed the day at the police station where they did medical tests on her and tomorrow they will be taking her to a home in Byculla.

Something had to be done. Something still has to be done... That's all I'm gonna say.