Wingardium Leviosa!

Friday, November 29, 2019

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 94

What am I thankful for?

It's been a mixed 2019. Not all happiness and not all sadness. Loads of highs and positive energy at the start of the year, a much more focussed me to a mixed pickle in the middle to ending the year with nothing and no one to hold onto. 2018, I think was a similar seesaw. And if I look back further, each year gone by is a similar mirror of ups and downs, highs and lows.

I didn't think 2019 would end this way but I've been feeling it for awhile. It's time, to hang up my boots and soldier on. Clear in the head and clear in the heart. You can't take people for granted. You can't take life for granted and every second that we waste in being unsure about someone important to us, whether or should we keep trying or should we take a risk, or quit and start afresh or learn a new skill... Is a second we're gonna regret. And these seconds pile up.

I'm thankful for having learnt to put my feelings in perspective. They are my guides and I've always found that while my heart rules my head, I've never felt so alone and so undeserving as I do right this minute. And I don't want to give any human being the power to make me feel that I'm not good enough.

In case you haven't read my earlier post, I may not be good enough for you, but  I'm enough for myself.

And I have my constant with me, #Always. With Him, nothing is impossible -- for Him and for me.

So this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful once again for having the strength to pick myself up and chug forward. I ain't one for looking back. All eyes ahead, Freddy.


Must. Piper. Up!

Wednesday, November 13, 2019

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 93

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,   
  Black as the Pit from pole to pole,   
I thank whatever gods may be   
  For my unconquerable soul.   
In the fell clutch of circumstance 
  I have not winced nor cried aloud.   
Under the bludgeonings of chance   
  My head is bloody, but unbowed.   
Beyond this place of wrath and tears   
  Looms but the Horror of the shade, 
And yet the menace of the years   
  Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.   
It matters not how strait the gate,   
  How charged with punishments the scroll,   
I am the master of my fate:
  I am the captain of my soul.

~William Ernest Henley

Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 92

"I chose to focus where I was fearful to look"

Such a BOW WOW WOWWWW statement to read. Just last night I contemplated a paradigm shift to the way I was approaching things and they're still in a haze but at least I'm reorienting myself to a higher purpose. It helps to have a basic structure or definition in the mind.

Because some of our greatest achievements can stem from identifying what we may not want to face and Choosing to engage anyway.

Step by step. Inch by inch. Breathe.



Monday, November 11, 2019

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 91

I haven't felt this downsized and irrelevant in awhile now. And I'm a 100% unsure about myself and how to handle this ever growing situation.

I'm not handling it as well as I should and can. Already broken down in public. I'm constantly thinking negative and putting myself down. It's a crime when people who you thought would always have your back make you question your very worth and existence.

As a team player, I've got no team. It's like the rug swept off your foot. You were galloping and they've cut off your legs.


Only the best survive. I'm definitely not the best, not even a little, not even close.

Black dog days for awhile.