Daily scribbles and drools... Day 88

Reminder:

If he doesn't buy you flowers
Go out and buy yourself a Lily.

If he doesn't hold your hand
Wrap your arms around yourself into a tight hug.

If he won't dance or sing with you
Keep dancing and singing on your own.

If he doesn't ever compliment you
Stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself how wonderful you are --- inside and out.

If he doesn't like being part of anything you like doing
Do what you love and live for anyway.

If he says: I love you, parroting you
You don't need to say it to feel something.

If he doesn't talk about a future with you
It's because he doesn't appreciate your presence in the present.

And if he isn't grateful for your presence
Leave him with your absence.

You don't need his validation.
You don't need his sign off.
You don't need him to make you feel complete.

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 87

List of 20 questions to reflect on:

1. What am I good at?
2. What am I so-so at?
3. What am I bad at?
4. What makes me tired?
5. What is the most important thing in my life?
6. Who are the most important people in my life?
7. How much sleep do I need?
8. What stresses me out?
9. What relaxes me?
10. What’s my definition of success?
11. What type of worker am I?
12. How do I want others to see me?
13. What makes me sad?
14. What makes me happy?
15. What makes me angry?
16. What type of person do I want to be?
17. What type of friend do I want to be?
18. What do I think about myself?
19. What things do I value in life?
20. What makes me afraid?

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 86

This post has been pending because I had to get my thoughts together.

About two months ago, an early 20s colleague died in a horrific road accident on an Expressway. I had met him a month prior on some work and he really went outta his way to help me out. I didn't know him well.

All of us were a bit shaken by the news because we all knew him in some shade or the other. A mail was drafted and sent to all employees. An announcement on the intercom at 11am said we would be holding a 2 minutes silence in remembrance of this young soul who'd been taken away so young. 

I sit by the windows at work so I get to see the Western Express Highway in all her glory every time I stare out. During those 2 extremely long minutes, as I thought of my last interaction with that lad, I acutely noticed cars and bikes speeding by, both lanes. People walking on the footpath, busy metro construction workers, rickshaws parked outside our work complex waiting to ferry someone around.

It was in that moment  Irealised how inconsequential everything is... Here today, gone tomorrow... Life goes on. Everything that we hold dear and true melts away. Whatever we feel, passes with the passage of time. The world continues to chug along, the earth rotates around the sun, daylight comes followed by the night... Life goes on.

Watching traffic reminded me of how irrelevant my existence is, my worries are, my sense of outrage and misplaced self-importance are. In 2 minutes whether we knew this boy personally or not, we would all get back to our emails, get into a meeting, pick the phone and argue with a loved one or colleague, go take a dump, whatever... Life would go on and this boy's life would be forgotten.

Leaving a legacy behind --- what does that mean to you and how important is it?

For most people in the world, being able to afford a roof over their head, get 2-3 square meals a day and some clothes on their back is all they can hope for. Maybe a bit of dignity at the time of their death... If they're lucky. 

For those with a better disposition, are we chasing more than we need? Do our wants outweigh our needs? Does the end justify the means by which we achieve our dreams or goals?

If I leave this world behind, will the world stop for a second to remember me? Nope, it won't. But I hope a few will raise a toast in my memory and say they were happy that they knew me. 

Daily scribbles and drools... Day 85

May be I'm trying too much because I damn straight know I'm not expecting too much. And the reason I'm probably trying too much is to fill some of the basic expectations which aren't in place either.

You're there but you're not 100% there... You know what I mean?

Hate that even asking for common courtesies make me feel like I'm cribbing and whining. And it sucks.

Feel like an  afterthought most times because you either keep forgetting or maybe because you put in next to no effort to remember... What's important and what's just basic decency.
Zero serious conversations about the future so left hanging.

At what point is the point of no return?