The Lullaby

Staring into the dark while the world lay resting in a blanket of snow, she saw Him.
He smiled with His eyes.
Come.
She froze.
But I... can't.
Follow me.
I'm not ready, she said stubbornly.
You never will be, that is the beauty of being You.
And He left.
She waited by the window for His promise. But He never came.
Felt like He had found another light in the darkness.
While hers melted into ice.
The forest chained her again with a stone fortress to keep Him away, if He ever returned.
She lay dead inside the four corners of her soul.
Still.




~


Sometimes when I'm lonely I sit and think about him
And it hurts to remember all the good times
When I thought I could never live without him
And I wonder does it have to be the same
Every time when I see him, will it bring back the pain?
How can I forget that name?

Look into his angeleyes
One look and you're hypnotized
He'll take your heart and you must pay the price
Look into his angeleyes
You'll think you're in paradise
And one day you'll find out he wears a disguise
Don't look too deep into his angeleyes
Unfortunately, still Crazy 'bout his angeleyes
Once he took my heart and now I pay the price
And one day you'll find out he wears a disguise
So don't look too deep into those angeleyes

AbbA


~

The Gates Way to India!

What draws Bill and Melinda Gates to India, especially Bihar?

A truly inspiring and heart warming read. To see people who have all the money in the world wanting to share it with people who have nothing. Wanting to give the poorest of poor Indian's a chance at a normal healthy life. A salute to Bill and Melinda Gates for being an inspiration to those of us who may not have millions and billions to give in the name of charity but who know that if we follow our heart and do what's right - we can change the world not today, not tomorrow but someday!

Thank God for blessed people like them who 'Be the Change' that US President Obama spoke about. Yeah, Apple Inc is taking all the feathers out of Microsoft's hat where innovation is concerned... so what?

While Steve jobs will be remembered for all the I-this and I-that he has invented and placed in the hands of the few, Bill Gates will be remembered by many as the man who helped India get rid of its stigmata - Polio!

Like Fr. Austin reminds us often - In God's good time... His will be done.

Also read: World TB Day: Tackling TB through innovation - By Bill Gates

What are you doing tonight at 8:30?

Hey everyone!

Earth Hour, one of the biggest events organized to create awareness on global warming, is being observed on Saturday for an hour at 8.30 pm. Earth Hour is a WWF initiative in which people the world over are encouraged to switch off the lights for an hour to take a stand against climate change.

Do your bit – Switch off lights, computers electronic appliances like fridges, microwaves etc.

Sit outside the building, have a candle light set up with your building friends, sing songs, play some games or better yet get to know your neighbours!

Help save Mother Earth!

Let us realize


That a change will only come


When we stand together as one

Dear bubbly thitli

Here is wishing you a very Happy 26th Birthday.

No wealth, prosperity and all that garbage, even though I know you want those too :P

But I wish you richness in happiness, be bountiful in health, be blessed with good friends and family, may you have a spread of things which matter like laughter, good food, values, culture, enthusiasm, loads of energy and a never-say-die attitude.

Most of all, be the best you can be always.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

<3
God Bless
&
Loads of love,

Candy, Lee, Nido & ChelC


P.S: Click Here

Chelsea gets her licence to kill... courtesy RTO!

The red Santro with the fat cop and his victims

With sweaty palms and knocking knees I stood outside the RTO at Andheri at 12:30 pm waiting for my contact to come pick me up and get this driving licence business over and done with. Honestly, I was sweating in places I didn't even know existed. Maybe, its cause I'm never out in the sun at that time in the afternoon but this was ridiculous. Like a fool I wore a black shirt with jeans. Soaked, as you can imagine.

After coming from Canada and hearing so much about their driving test and how strict it is and how you have to give an exam and all, I expected something like at least a proper driving track to show my skills, or my lack of them.

Lol. I should learn to expect the unexpected in India.

If you've been to the RTO in the last couple of days (I don't know how long it has been like this) but there is no road to practice on, just a lot of rubble, some makeshift housing to accommodate all the scamsters running the RTO and when I say scamsters I mean the cops too...

There was just one cop at that time taking the test and was asking people to drive on first gear and show reverse. If you did that - PASS!

If you drove too fast aur jyada kuch hoshiyari giri kiya... FAIL.

While I stood in the heat adding some more black to my brown... I kept thinking - mera kya hoga? I should have practiced some more reverse. SHIYAT! OMG OMG OMG... Just imagine everyone has told me the test is like kids play. Just like the IELTS. :P

What if I was the first fool to fail at a child's game? I would never be able to live it down. Never. Sob*

While I stood there whining to myself, Middle Man 2 (Middle Man 1 being the guy who was doing my paperwork) asked me for my photographs, looked at them and looked at me suspiciously... I said - Ya ya, abhe mein hi hoon... makeup dala hain... (A**wipe)

Then Middle Man 3 saw we were five people - one female (me, duh!) and four males who were sent by MM1. I felt like I was being sold ya. Chelsea bought for Rs 1500. Anyway, he said he wanted to see how much 'driving' we knew. Just a quick practice session before we were fed to the dog *literally*. I just shrugged off all my grumbling and pumped myself up - I can do this... I'll teach these people how to drive till second gear... I'LL SHOW THEM ALL!!!

The shitty Maruti 800 with the smelly men

The four guys showed what they knew. Then came my turn. First off, I had a second look at the car I was expected to drive. Maruti 800. Rather, a 99% dead Maruti 800.

Damn.

Next issue - the seat was dirty and sweaty. Sorry I am a little finicky about such stuff but there were four guys who sat in there before me who were as dirty as me... who knows what had touched where!!! Mummy*

Anyway, I got in, started the car. The car was not the best to be honest, but what I kept getting irritated about was this guy also had the clutch and break and he kept pressing it when I was driving. I wasn't sure if I was doing it or what cause you know the car makes funny noises when you have your leg on clutch and accelerate. And he tells me something new which none of my teachers have told me so far - Keep the clutch a little pressed while you accelerate.

Eh?

Why?

Just keep it! What rubbish. When I didn't keep it, he would keep his leg on his clutch so the car would make this funny noise. That was the beginning of my love-hate relationship with MM3. I got out.

1:30 pm. If I had an egg and some salt and pepper I could've fried one on my head.

1:45 MM3 approaches me... - Madam, madam... come come... I went. He says, "Madam, woh police walla naya hain na... tho usko duty karne ka hain... Registration work... Tho meine usko bola ki ek lady hain aur woh 4 bhaje tak nahi rookh sakthi hain... Lady log ko aisa nahi karne ka..." I vigorously shook my head... "Of course, of course, mein lady hain, aisa nahi karne ka," All the while thinking in my head... 4 PM over my dead by now black body!!!

After a very dramatic pause he sighs and says, "Fir usne kaha ki jaane do woh aapko aise hi de dega." Either I didn't hear him correctly or I mistook what he meant, "Aise hi dega?" He says, "Ha madam...aap ko sign kar ke dega."

Then the ass in me came out asking an even bigger ass-like question, "Kyun?"

By then, I am sure MM3 wanted to slap me. It was hot man! In my defense, my brain was not functioning normally. He says curtly, "Arre problem kya hain, pyaar se de raha hain, pyaar se le..."

Tubelight was back on. "Ha ha bhai... pyaar se de raha hain tho of course pyaar se loongi," Damn it's been a while since I got any pyaar. Inspector ka pyaar bhi chalega!

So we went and waited to meet the only man who wants to gimme some pyaar. My thoughts were chaotic with glee. Just imagine, a friend had told me he only had to start the car and he got his licence, I tho don't even have to touch the car... YIPPEE!!!

Then the laughter almost poured out as I got a glimpse of the new policewalla. He was wearing those shitty Dabaang sunglasses and with a wedgie he was walking around barking orders. Lol. With a straight face I waited while MM3 sorted some work out. Then from thin air MM4 came and said - nahi nahi... isko tho driving dikhana hi padega.

Eh?

Well there went my 15 seconds of gloating. MM3 and MM4 started arguing. All the fears came in like a tidal wave... Damn I was not ready again. :"(

So we went and got the Maruti 800 and I drove it till there with MM3 sitting in the car with me and half driving it. I couldn't understand why he just wouldn't let me steer and change gears. He did everything! I was only accelerating.

Grrrrr*

My head was out. Officially.

Got out of the car. "Abhi bike dikhao," says MM4 gloating even more. That egg would have been fried by now and shoved down his throat if I had one to begin with.

"Fine bike de do," I say. Middle Man 6 comes in with another bike which was just begging to be put out of its misery. "Madam isko Rs 20 de do aur woh aap ko uska bike dega chalane ke liye." Why me... WHY WHY!!!

Gave him the cash and this fool was actually telling me the one thing I knew how to do. "Slowly jao, brake idhar hain..." I just went ahead front, back and a turn for bonus points. Not like that Dabaang wannabe inspector was even looking.

Got off the bike and headed to where wedgie boy was sitting. "Naaam" - C H E L S E A.

He got the spelling wrong, obviously.

Finally got his highnesses signature and went met MM1 told him thank you for all his help and headed home.

When the only cop and his cronies went on their lunch break

Lesson of the day: Wear a cap, carry an umbrella, heck throw in a picnic basket if you can. I wonder what it's like to follow rules and get anything done!

Gearing up for my gaddi test!

For some reason I believe learning how to drive is important. Forget the fact that I believe cars are major pollutants, the fact that I am never gonna buy a car, that the Nano is the worst thing to ever come out of the Tata stable cause of its affordability, Mumbai is no place to drive for sane people... etc etc. Yet, I believe it is important for everyone to know how to chalao a four wheeler at least.

I'm good with bikes, make that AWE*effing*and then SOME!!! but only when I ride alone. If you weigh more than my paltry 48 kgs - you are fat and will not only shake the bike but get us both killed cause I have very weak hands and absolutely no muscle. So... I apologise to those who have been brave enough to sit behind me and have faced the wrath of my riding prowess. I know you must have questioned your sanity after your wobbly behind got off. I know I questioned mine when I asked myself - what the hell did I get myself into???

Well, sorry to disappoint you but this post is not about my bike skills being tested but rather my driving skills.

A shout out to Danny boy who was my first guru - who let me touch his baby, not only touch her but drive her too. Almost got the car in the gutter but I swerved her right off didn't I Danny boy? Heck, I still remember after our third lesson, you asking me if I had driven before and I said very confidently... heck yeah... pssht..

NFS UNDERGROUND!!!!

This was a year back.

Today, merci beaucoup to Chintukli, Thitli, Toffee and Prain for letting me practice for two weeks on their vehicles before I go give my test.

Prain was even better - You paid Rs 1,500 to get both your car and bike, kachha and pakka licence done? Plus you have to give the test? I would  have gotten it for you for Rs 1,200, without having to give the test. *Sigh.

Toffee was sweet enough to say - Arre tension mat le... when I went to give the test he told me to start the car... I started and he clapped and said wah wah... okay Pass... NEXT!

I grinned and got ready to start Toffee's car, only I stalled the car four times trying to get it to move while I moved from clutch to accelerator... FAIL.

I hope the driving test guy asks me to open his door or maybe show him how I put the seatbelt on or ask me to adjust my review mirror. He will be mind boggled by my awesome sense of following rules that he will say - please madam here is your licence... take it and go... take it and... GO!

When I get into a car, thanks to Chintukli, I remember the ABC - Accelerator, Break and Clutch. I got laughed at for saying it loudly... but what do they know! I'm dyslexic at times and have to tell myself once in a while... you eat food with your right hand so that is your right...

Funny thing is all the cars that I have driven do not have a left review mirror. Plus I get this funny little twitch in my left eye once in a while... So, a good thing that didn't work out eh? The Nano it seems doesn't come with a left review mirror. The reason for that? I think it's because it didn't fit in Tata's budget for the Nano (At this cost these Indian's want everything!!!) or he didn't see it in his big heart to throw in the mirror for mufth... Right side mirror ke saath ek left side free... Basically, I am talking gas, so you tell me.

So ABC, 5 gears, 6th gear is to reverse, hand break on top always when not in motion, turn key to start car, press down clutch - move to first gear.. slowly let clutch go and accelerate gently at the same time, as it moves a bit move to second gear (clutch and accelerate)... and yeah!

And if you forget to drive after that little reminder note to myself... HIRE ME!!!

Inside 'The Orange Project'

:D

ChelCs day out as a Bohri!

When I went over to stay at  M's place, the last thing I expected was to be dolled up! Okay, not exactly dolled up, but close to that, considering I am the right size for 'N' number of my girlfriends who love to play 'dress up' with me. We spent the night eating strawberries with fresh cream outside Bachelors at Chowpatty (two cups.. YUMMY) and then me having my few last practice driving sessions days before I went to give my F1 test. For some reason I love second gear. Yeah, go figure!

Let me tell you a little bit about M - An angel disguised as a devil... Hahaha. Anyway, she is a Bohri Muslim. Now, my knowledge is very limited with regards to the Bohri community, so any Bohri's out there who read this ever - please note all information posted up has been given by said friend. Please talibanize her.

So first up, Bohri's are not allowed to touch strings of any kind. WHAT!!! I mean musical instruments. What garbage I hear you say? Exactly my sentiments. I mean you hear so many Muslim sitarists and guitarists... Well, I guess they are all going to Islam hell. They'd be welcome in Catholic heaven though... he he.

Next, Bohri surnames or last names end in 'wala' - So Chinwala, Screwdriverwala, Slatewala are common  surnames... I dunno how Presswala ended up being a Gujarati surname though :)

The Bohri traditional dress is called a Ridha which is different from a Hijab worn by the Sunni Muslims. While the Hijab is usually black with beautiful sequins and work on it, the Ridha has to be colourful. Black is a strict no no.

Their Maulana - Syedna Mohammed Burhanuddin, is the head of the Bohris throughout the world and is equivalent to the Catholic Pope. He resides at Walkeshwar and is currently celebrating his 100th Birthday. Happy Birthday sir!

Well that's about all I know for now about the Bohris.

So the next day after I got done from work, I went to her place and she casually says she has to go to Bohri Mohalla- I was like Bohri Who??? She says, "Arre Bhendi Bazaar ya," I had no idea so I said okay. "What we gonna do there?" I asked.

Bhendi Bazaar all aglow in
celebration of the Maulanas 100th Birthday

"I have to shop!"

Sigh. When does M never have to shop. "What are we shopping for?"

"Material and a new dress for my mom and sister for the Maulana's birthday," she sweetly replies.

I sit up. Interesting.  I've never gone shopping for Bohri dress material before. "Cool, let's go."

"Yeah, umm before we leave, you have to wear the Ridha," she mutters.

"The who?"

Lol. All right. So her mom and she were all giggly and happy as they took out a dress and stood looking at me. I took it from M's hand and proceeded to put it on without knowing how too. She then helped me into the dress. And well let's just say that if the Maulana was around he would never have said I was Catholic...Lol. I looked Bohri through and through!

Can you spot where 'M' is???

After all the laughter and jokes at my new Bohri attire and look (I wore my jeans and tee inside by the way) we left.

Next stop Bhendi Bazaar. Now, the funny thing through this whole experience is I never really pay attention to people looking at me when I am in my daily wear.

However, with my new do, I was aware of every pair of  eyes which glanced at me and bells kept ringing in my head - WHY ARE THEY STARING AND WHAT OF MINE IS SHOWING!!!

Inside Roza Tahera mosque

We entered Bohri Mohalla and the stares only got more intense. I have read a couple of fiction novels which talk about the way Muslim men give you this deadly intense gaze. I felt it and I did the automatic thing the female in the book would do. Blush and bow down. GAWD. Kill me. I even yelled at one fool - What you looking at - look in front! Like he paid any attention to my gibberish and continued to stare. Idiot.

M's family and me entered a dress material shop and we had to remove our shoes outside. Nice. Had to sit on the floor. Not so nice. Couldn't sit in the skirt. Sat in a funny position and kept fidgeting cause I was not allowed to talk since I couldn't speak Gujarathi (Local language).I remember telling M in the lift, "If anyone talks to me in Gujarathi, I'll just keep saying 'Futre Vu' (Supposedly F*** You in French) At which her mom pipes up and says, "Very good very good, Chelsea knows Kem Chu Kem Chu." We both just cracked up.

We got out of the shop and her parents wanted to get some other stuff sorted so M decided to show me her mosque. For me this was a special treat since I always have wanted to see what the inside of a mosque looks like. WOW, is all I can say. Made all of marble, the Roza Tahera mosque in the gullies of Bhendi Bazaar is beautiful. It is currently being redone in honour of his Holiness' big celebration. I didn't go right in but M did as she wanted to pray. I took a couple of pictures inside and when M came out I asked her to take a picture of me inside the mosque. We got shooed away after that. He he.

Then M wanted to taste some of the 'local' goodies, I passed, however. (That Canadian trait should  have disappeared by now)... Needless to say M's local goodies came out in the morning... twice :P

We decided to head back home. M was designated driver, I her co-guide to scream PUT YOUR SEAT BELT every time we saw a cop... By the way - was it just us or did you notice the amount of Naka Bandhi's over the weekend. I need to find out the 'purpose' of these road blockades.

If you have ever driven a car at Bhendi Bazaar you'd know how crazy the road is. No proper signal, no cop in sight, a one way lane (according to me at least) was actually a two way moving traffic road. Since the car was across the road we had to zig zag through the traffic. I got ready to sprint holding M's hand.

Bad idea.

First off, I forgot I was in a skirt, sorry, make that a full length skirt which is tight at the bottom. I ran, I tripped and almost got one Bohri and one fake Bohri killed. M yelled - 'WTF' - I apologised grumbling I didn't realise the skirt was tight out  there.

Lesson from the entire episode: When you run, LIFT YOUR SKIRT :D

The following pictures are for pure cultural viewing, not to be laughed at, especially those which involve me in the Ridha.

First Look, not bad eh?

Bohri Chokri :D

Yep, that's my one sneaky
shot inside the mosque :)

No outfit is ever complete
without my 'traditional pose'

Goodbye Grandma

Fifteen years ago you saw me in the hospital. Fifteen years later I saw you. I felt more at peace sitting by your side these last three weeks and getting the urge to pick myself up and move away from this loneliness. I have lost 15 years in knowing someone like you and today my pain is severe because I have had to deal with two main losses in three weeks. Yet, I know I have to shake myself of this self pity and be strong again.

I know we never got that chance to have a better and loving relationship. But I know you are in that wonderful place reserved by the good Lord and I know your happy. There is so much I wish for, so many things I would have loved saying to you in person. However, I have tried to say all I can these last few weeks.

Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord and let your perpetual light shine upon her.

May her soul, the soul of a faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.

Goodbye Grandma. Love you always.

Amen.

Nazareth Aileen - Peacefully passed away in Mississauga on March 6, 2008. Beloved wife of William for 57 years. Loving mother of Breda (Amrit), Norma, Lorna (Ashok), Desire (Lillian) and Selma (Bertram). Cherished grandma of Akshay (Vidya), Varun (Arunima), Chelsea, Chelson, Meaghan, Evan, Rochelle and Breanna. Also acknowledgement goes out to past and present staff at Mississauga Life Care Centre for the compassion and care given to Aileen during her long stay.

P.S: This post was written on March 13, 2008.

We are F-A-M-I-L-Y!

I found my genealogy!!!

:D :D :D

Random search actually. I wanted to figure out what Chelson's middle name meant. 'Glory' - pssht! Ha ha... well he has brought in Glory to the family name, I'll grant him that. Something I haven't been able to do. Hey, no complaints!

Anyway, after I did that, I got to thinking, hmmm... I have always done a quick 'Google' on my name just to check out what kind of websites the search engines pull up... and it is usually about stuff I have written and blogged about. So, for a change, I decided to jot down baby brother's initials...

Chelson 'thankfully' for all his BS doesn't have much fame - Yet, on Google. The fourth or fifth article which came up had a list of family which had everyone included and really surprised the heck outta me. I mean, not many people know about my 'other' family (Yeah, we still in the closet about that for shitty reasons). So it came as quite a ruddy shock to be honest.

But good fun. I almost wet myself with glee.... Almost!


Check this out...

NAZARETH family from Pezar

1. Antonio NAZARETH was born about 1770. 

Antonio married Anna. 

Children from this marriage were: 

+ 3 M    ii. Pedro NAZARETH was born in 1795. 

Pedro married Angela. 
Children from this marriage were:

+ 7 M    i. Lawrence NAZARETH was born on Sep 6, 1836. 

Lawrence married Joanna SOUZA in about 1860. Joanna died in 1865. 
Children from this marriage were:

+ 20 M    ii. Joseph Peter NAZARETH was born on Feb 13, 1865 and died on Jun 7, 1937 at age 72.

Joseph married Teresa LOBO, daughter of Francis LOBO and Philippa REGO. Children from this marriage were:

+ 40 M    i. Salvadore Rosario NAZARETH was born on Nov 29, 1892 and died in 1980 at age 88. 

Salvadore married Cecilia Pietas PAIS. 
Children from this marriage were:

73  iii. William NAZARETH

William married Eileen. 

Children from this marriage were: 

+ 138 F    iii. Lorna NAZARETH

Lorna married Ashok SALDANHA. Children from this marriage were:

244 F    i. Chelsea SALDANHA 

245 M   ii. Chelson SALDANHA   

I AM THE 244TH DESCENDANT OF ANTONIO NAZARETH... from me mums side of course :)

Daddy dearest, you are not 'Google' enough!!! 

O ye, of little faith - CLICK HERE

The dust finally settles

All I wanted to do was hold your hand and drown into your black pools like I had everything that I could ever need, right there. The first time I saw you, we looked but looked away... cause you held her hand. No big deal... Then.

Then you started it all and I knew I could never turn back time. This time I tried to be like the rest. Put aside all my feelings and gave in to the test. Abject failure I was... Couldn't do the most simplest of things, couldn't even do it once - Live for the moment.

Just couldn't. Had to have my heart bleed otherwise what good is what I feel?

I sat there and watched you make a fool of yourself... then again, I went outside realising you were just making a fool of me.

I watched in awe as you came in front of me, stood speechless as you pushed that loose strand away from my eyes and kissed me.

I never could go back, come on, not after that.

Yet, you know how your gut tells you that when morn comes, it was all just a dream girlie... WAKE UP SMELL THE BS!!!

But I said, no way. I mean this was my one last shot I asked for right? RIGHT?? RIGHT???

I thought... who cares what I thought.

Thinking is pointless. My feelings are as pointless as blunt knives.

The pain now gets easy cause I have lived through so many of them, it's more like a standard joke among my friends... "Here comes F., the jackass who doesn't know her elbow from her A-hole about life... about anything"


Douchebag.