2015... What additional baggage does thou bring?

I'm starting the new year on a very defeated note. My smile is worse than a Barbie fix, there is plenty of sadness in the soul for those that see clearly, there is fear of the never ending and always topical "when are you getting married" debate, fatigue evident in every pore in my being, a blank and hopeless desperation that I'm starting to submerge myself into again.

Next steps? I don't know them myself. I don't know anything or anyone. I don't want anything or anyone. I don't need anything or anyone.

The secret is how to die... Before 30. Because that, very honestly, is all I need from this life. I need my subconscious to be on a holiday... For eternity.

A couple of people are trying to pep me up with kindness, anger, love, charity... Whatever you'd like to describe it as. But the truth is, I'm unable to accept the things they say about me. I'm unable to even for a second believe them, especially when I don't even believe in myself and what I am capable of anymore.

I know I've said this a few times over the last year but I am not just defeated; even my spirit has let go. It isn't about faith in God above, it's the inability to see faith in myself. This is what is killing.

As I scribble these random musings at 12 midnight as I wait to board my flight back home, all I can think of is: Hide me in the hollow of your loving hands, where the bow may not pursue, nor the traitor stand.

As the year ends, a few Christmas musings

While it's the season to be jolly, I just wanted to remind myself and you as well on the finer aspects of what Christmas really stands for. Something I love encouraging my friends from other faiths is to say the word Christmas and not Xmas. You can't remove Christ (aka Jesus) out of Christmas because the holiday season would be incomplete without him. So I encourage you to take time out (take another second or two) when you wish people a Merry Christmas to type out the whole word and give meaning to this season of peace.

Below is a small composition from me, for you and your family.

It's the time to pray and reflect
On how each of our decisions affect.

It's the time to be noble and kind
To make peace with those who've left us behind.

It's the time for sharing and giving
More than the gifts, cast your eyes towards those less deserving.

It's the time for hope, especially for those who have none
When all seems lost, remember - you're not yet done.

It's the time for peace to reign in our hearts
For our children, but more so for the storm to pass.

Don't wait for life and situations to worsen
Have faith and you'll witness God through another person.

Have a Christ filled Christmas and a Blessed 2015!