That time of the month...

... When my defenses are at their weakest. When all the people I have wanted, have walked away from me. Down but not out... yeah that's me, most of the time at least.

Once in a while though that niggling itch comes right back and bites me. Those are the times when it hurt the most I guess.

I could never be her. Never dress up like her, never talk like her, never walk like her, never act like her. Who am I kidding. I could never be her.

I could never be her.

I tried caring again. Shit I tried. I swore I would never but I did. Well we nipped it in the bud didn't we precious?

Got told by someone " Tera tho kuch bhi nahi hone walla hain... Shaadi kaun karega tere sei..." While he said it in jest *I think*... I voiced out aloud -"I know... I know, because it is true." Shrugging it off I had my chai.

It's a waste caring. It's a waste trying to be that person others expect you to be. I am not going to compromise on what I stand for and what I believe in.

Dreams do come true. This is just a low point for now, but there are so many highs. I have to be strong and resilient.

I won't ever let the sun go down on me.

Amen.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh baby this love ain't gone be perfect,
And just how good it's gonna be
We can fuss and we can fight long as everything is alright between us before we go to sleep...

I know sometimes it's gonna rain,
But baby can we make up now
cause' I can't sleep through the pain
girl I don't want to go to bed mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me
no I don't want to go to bed mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me

~ Ne Yo

Today My Life Begins - Bruno Mars

I've been working hard so long

Seems like pain has been my only friend

My fragile heart's been done so wrong

I wondered if I'd ever heal again

Oh just like all the seasons never stay the same

All around me I can feel a change (ohh)

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me

Leave the past behind me, today my life begins

A whole new world is waiting it's mine for the takin

I know i can make it, today my life begins

Yesterday has come and gone

And I've learnt how to leave it where it is

And I see that I was wrong

For ever doubting I could win

Oh just like all the seasons never stay the same

All around me I can feel a change (ohh)

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me

Leave the past behind me, today my life begins

A whole new world is waiting it's mine for the takin

I know i can make it, today my life begins

Life's to short to have regrets

so I'm learning now to leave it in the past and try to forget

Only have one life to live

So you better make the best of it

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me

Leave the past behind me, today my life begins

A whole new world is waiting it's mine for the takin

I know i can make it, today my life begins

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me

Leave the past behind me, today my life begins

A whole new world is waiting it's mine for the takin

I know i can make it, today my life begins

Today my life begins...

Lockdown: Day 10

Hurt. Cross. Cold hands. Halo. Shallow.

Frayed. Frazzled. Fig. Fawn.

Music. Empty. Bells. Trumpets. Silence.

Bleak. Lonely. Face. Fade. Light. Wilderness.

Left. Soulless. My all.

Hero.

Day 10

Lockdown: Day 9

Rage. Burning. Thirst. Sin. Sigh.

Forlorn. Weary. Dusk. Flummoxed. Scandalous.

Expunge. Cut. Evidence. Break. Fly away.

Love. Hate. Lust. Date.

Stare. Locks. Weed. Fallen. Angel.

Rise up.

Day 9 

Lockdown: Day 8

Mad. Nothing. Rain. Pain. You. Me.

Happy. Her. Him.

Unstable. Fragments. Gone.

Prayers. Voiceless. Faith. Upheaval. Hopeless/

Undead.

Day 8

Lockdown: Day 5, 6 & 7

Subsiding. Listless. Moments. Frozen. Crossroads. Pathway.

Speechless. Time. Lucky. Standing small. Hidden. Truth. Pain.

Race. Eyes. Beauty. Skin. Lies.

Unattainable. Rumours. Barbed wires. Bleeding.

Lust. Thief. Hate.

Rusted.

Day 5, 6 & 7