No one will ever put Baby in a corner...

My dearest Nona,

How much more can I love you!!!

You are the most important ingredient in my life.  Saying 'You keep me grounded' would be giving you too little credit for the wondrous and numerous blessings I've received. Growing up to be a strong and yet stubborn woman, I place that credit at thy feet.

You taught me to persevere during difficult opportune moments, to give my 100% when I had no faith left, to pray till I understood the meaning behind my heart felt litany, to give than to receive, to make do with little and feel as rich as the Queen, to hold my head high, to cry when I was ashamed of my behavior and attitude, to grind in me the realities of life, to teach me how hard work is a measure of success especially when you're not born with the smarts, to lead by example, to find peace during troubling times, to helping me with my studies, to letting me be young, wild and free... To letting me be - Me.

I made a promise before leaving Canada. I don't seem to be willing to live up to my end of the bargain. I'm assuming JC understands because he has let me remain selfish and have you be there for me.

I'll always be numb about that day when you injured yourself. It took me two months to feel like I was in control again.

Day before, you and I were sleeping on the bed. I was hugging Anna. You won't remember but you were patting me and putting me to sleep. I was so overwhelmed that I cried myself to sleep. Happy tears.

You are my Mother,  nana. You have taught me to ask "have you eaten" before thinking of self. You've given me sooo much, I have been unable to repay your generous spirit.

I will always regret not being there for you while I was 'busy' growing up to be an adult. I blame myself for your alzheimers. You gave us everything and I let you down so badly when you needed me the most. I'm trying to make up for that wrong today. I know you don't even recollect these things, but I really am trying to atone for the wrong I've done by you.

I will always love you...  With every beat of my heart, Baby Lily.

From your God child, tramp, hot pants, stupid girl,
Pinchu / Chelsea girl

Baby, bye bye bye... Bangalore!

Why am I the one
Always packing up and gone
I really wish I'd like it if I'd stayed
~FUN

I came to Bangalore with nothing except cold feet, fear of being around people, frightened of my own shadow, a broken mind and heart, a suitcase full of knick knacks which fit right in with what I was feeling - Empty.

It seems like forever that I haven't seen the place that I've called home for 31 years, even though it's only been 3 months.

I've changed. I've grown... Fat, Mentally and Physically strong. Being in control of my emotions has taken me awhile and yet it's been satisfying to witness the constant miracles which have taken place throughout my short and yet meaningful stint here.

The biggest change is finding me able to think before talking... It's not 100% accurate but I've had so many opportunities to get blasted but been saved because of the way I framed my query or the way I addressed someone even while I was angry or the way I held my tongue even though I felt they deserved a lashing.

For me this small and yet noticeable change is what I hope to carry home. Mumbai is a chaotic land and it troubles my soul. Bangalore has fed me freedom of the most desirable kind, a freedom so sweet, a freedom that I've embraced and grown to love.

My fear of going home may seem irrational to some but it is a genuine apprehension of knowing that I'd like to be given an opportunity to spread my wings again.

So many to thank...Where do I begin... I thank myself. For taking this plunge. I thank all those who stood and supported me. I thank all those who envied me, it made me determined to prove you wrong. And always, always, JC for being my one true miracle of life.

The two most visited places in my six months other than work and home have to be Thoms Bakery and Bangalore airport. Commercial Street and RT Nagar come close though.

Im proud of myself. Living on my own. Doing the groceries. Paying the bills. Keeping tab of my expenses. Cooking and keeping the house clean. Backpacking as much as I could around the South. My DIY projects. Learning the city. Listening to the people. Playing the guitar much better. Praying a whole lot more. Understanding myself better.

I know there are many waiting for me to return.. With anticipation and glee. Me? I'm literally dragging my luggage, brain and heart are too heavy at saying goodbye to a city that's given me so much to be thankful for.

Slowly but surely I'm...

Learning to laugh again.
Learning to live again.
Learning to love again.