The 'M' Factor

Everything about me has changed... From my bob cut hair-do to my small yet prominent paunch, from a happy-go-lucky-carefree girl to an often silent and lost woman now.

I'm an adult - and not so thrilled about it.

Remember when you were five-years old and you just couldn’t wait to grow up? You always waited for a chance for someone to ask you how old you were and standing erect with your head high, you would utter, "I am almost five-and-a-half going to be six-years soon!"

I remember saying stuff like that. I also remember starting college and everybody wanting to do the coolest ‘in thing’ at that age - hang out at clubs. All  of us wanted to enter the place but you had to look 18, right? At five-feet nothing, with pimples, you're definitely not 18!

Yet, here I am, 10-years later, panicking! Let’s not talk about my allergic reactions bordering on occasional rash breakouts at the thought of reaching 30... *arrgh* And then you have the usual "Susie just got engaged!" and "Have you heard the good news - Mary had a baby boy!" Well Mary could give birth to a little lamb and I would still run as fast as my 25-year-old legs could to get away from that conversation!

Other than Big Boss, the hot debate/gossip/topic at this stage of our young adult lives is – Marriage.

I have a lot of girlfriends and boyfriends (boys who are friend’s dad) whose parents I think were just waiting for that day, ever since their little bundle of joy crossed puberty, to talk about how they were going to find a nice boy/girl (what does ‘nice’ mean anyway?). Now I know a lot of nice boys and girls. And plenty of them agree with me that they will tie the knot, as and when they are ready to settle down and become baby producing machines.

Okay, before I go on, let me clarify – I am NOT against people getting married. Heck, I have my wedding dress design ready and the names of my four kids (two borne by me and two adopted of course) all ready. Only the tall, fair and handsome part is missing from the equation.

All I am saying is give us a chance.  Let us make that once in a lifetime decision with your blessings and approval of course. But let us choose for ourselves. Don’t pressurize us to do something we might end up regretting. The blame-game is something most of us would like to avoid with our lives as complex as it is.

A friend of mine recently told me how his parents wanted him to marry a doctor or an MBA, basically any woman who was rolling in money. I was stunned. I have known him and his family forever. While he says he is happily single for now, he just doesn’t understand this term – come from a well-to-do family. The question I am itching to ask his parents - Does money really buy happiness? You tell me.

Arranged marriages work, don’t get me wrong. A couple of friends have told me how they fell in love with their life partner. Well, good for you. Your parents picked a winner! Same goes for those who fall in love and you introduce your future partners to the good folks at home and it works out beautifully. You clicked and the rest as they say is history.

That means it takes two to tango. Today, finding that partner to tango with all the way down the aisle and for life, is tough, especially, when you have a lot of variety, in terms of dancing styles and partners.

Some of us want to stay single, some want to study further, some want to explore the world and then settle down, join the religious, some want to work for awhile and then give up their job to raise a family.

This is not the 1970’s where saying ‘I do’ was the most exciting part of your existence, where settling down and starting a family was the be all and end all of life, where who your parents chose was ‘The One.’

My little rant is basically asking parents to take a step back and not put undue pressure in making their young adults get into something they may not be ready for. Other than that, call me for the wedding!