A little more of you. A little less of me.

SMP,

I’ve been meaning to write this ever since I came out of the meeting with my seniors last month.

During our discussion I found they valued my inputs, they saw my potential, turning ideas into realities... I kept nodding and agreeing with them, debating with them on the directional guidance that I’d need, the skillsets I’d need to better myself, the time and learning I’d need to put into all of this…

And during the entire intervention, I smiled and thought of you.

I walked out of that meeting, went straight to the washroom and closeted myself. I realised the very things you’d told me at BG when I told you about my fears about the new role and how I wanted out. 

You made me realise my worth or rather remind me of what I was taking for granted and what a break this is for me. You didn’t give me your opinion or offer a solution but you asked the right questions and got me questioning all my motives for wanting to give up on those who’d given me a phenomenal opportunity.

I really thought about what you said the next day but then soon forgot about it. But now I’m looking at things in a new light – about my future here, my existing role, my growth and what it takes to be good at what you do.

I don’t think you realise how much that last ‘real’ conversation, I guess, meant to me, but this note is to say “Thank you” for sparking a little hope and instilling a little confidence and faith.

This will Always be my biggest takeaway from our 5ive.

C

P.s: I did a repetitive mistake and I paid a terrible price for it last evening. Really hurts to know we meant nothing. You really can't make a heart feel something it doesn't want to.

To quote James Bay:
Trying to fit your hand inside of mine

When we know it just don't belong

There's no force on earth

Could make it feel right, no

Trying to push this problem up the hill

When it's just too heavy to hold

Think now's the time to let it slide

I just wish I'd accepted what I'd ignored from the beginning and... anyway, no regrets. Another bitter lesson well learned.