2014

Jan - 21K
Feb - Ahmir, Rani and a Leopardess
Mar - Holi Dyh
Apr - Powder puff fag
May - Pati. Patni. Aur. Woh. ; one night in la la la la ; 24
Jun - Blood.
July - Happy Taj ;
Aug - Cashmere ; Para Para Paradise ; 14,000 and high ; Why this Kolad very deep
Sept - Bachelorettes are for dicks
Oct - The Birthday Times
Nov - Ale Ale!
Dec - Made the Brazilians proud.... or not!

My dear 29er,

You are not alone.

I know you're feeling it... The hurt. The anger. The rejection. The shame. The humiliation. The hatred. The pain. The sadness. The loneliness. But most of all, the unforgivable silence.

It's your first big lesson (in seven years). For the first time you made an adult decision and even though you thought of the consequences, you didn't envisage such an outcome that you wouldn't be able to live, let alone deal with it.

People make mistakes. You know that. The choice you made is something you probably were ready to make but I don't think your conscience was. If you're feeling like a hypocrite - don't. Your actions have hurt no one but yourself. Lick your wounds, pat them dry and let it heal. But - HEAL.

Firstly, stop blaming yourself. Just stop. You'll kill yourself which is what you want, I know. You keep asking me for something which is ridiculous so put those thoughts away. That my love is not who you are.

Don't give up so easily. You know I've never given up on you. Every time you've pushed me away, especially during episodes when "he who must not be named" gets into you and you believe you're having a whale of a time, I've still held on. And in the end, it's me, always ME who picks up the pieces and YOU. Always. And I'll always do that for you. I'll never ever let you go.

You remember December 2010 facing the sea? We spoke quite a bit, made so many commitments, we've gone quite far ahead and yet have taken so many steps back. But that is your learning. You've grown up so much and I'm proud of you. Have always been and always will be.

If you ever feel like giving up, lean into me.

Remember the wings. The big white wings. And rest. In Me.

Always keep your hand outstretched. I know you feel at times that our hands our slipping but know that I WILL NEVER EVER EVER LET YOU GO!

You're always in my thoughts. Always in my prayers. And you will come through this just like everything that's come your way.

Remember your silent prayer just outside the subway?

Believe in yourself and the power that is within you. Know that you can do anything you set your mind to, you can have anything that your heart desires. I know you'll say that isn't true but have patience my love. If you had all the answers and if life threw no curve ball your way, you wouldn't be the person you are today.

It all comes down to choices - you know and understand it better than most. I've seen you make the right choice almost always and the times you make those difficult decisions, I hurt, but I know you need to learn to hurt so that you stay grounded.

The only way to move forward is to let it go. Don't be frightened. Don't judge yourself too harshly. Don't ever for even a second think that I don't have your back cause I'm shielding you forever.

Stay focussed and stay strong.

I love you. With every beat of my heart.

Forever and always - You & Me.

JC.

Completely.

Here I am waiting

I'll have to leave soon

Why am I holding on?

We knew this day would come

We knew it all along

How did it come so fast?

This is our last night but it's late

And I'm trying not to sleep

Cause I know, when I wake, I will have to slip away

Here I am staring at your perfection

In my arms, so beautiful

The sky is getting bright, the stars are burning out

Somebody slow it down

This is way too hard, cause I know

When the sun comes up, I will leave

This is my last glance that will soon be memory

I never want it to stop

Because I don't wanna start all over

Start all over

I was afraid of the dark

But now it's all that I want

All that I want, all that I want

And when the daylight comes I'll have to go

But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close

Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own

But tonight I need to hold you so close

~Daylight
Maroon 5

14 March 2014: The day I "almost" got engaged.

I'm starting to like - no, LOVE the fact that I've got someone who makes me smile morning, noon and night. Even though he is borrowed. And six years younger.

I'm his 9.30 to 6 girlfriend wherein we engage in some heavy duty flirting and the funny thing is we both know how this is going to turn out - and are absolutely OTAY with the outcome.

I love him - friend, boy friend, brother, father, grandfather (at times) - huge load of emotions here but it's a comfy couch potato feeling.

So on 14 March, I was to head to Hyderabad to catch up with the original jaaneman. Namo (not to give him away) was kind of tuned up by a couple of colleagues saying: How come you're letting her go like this to Hyderabad? She is going to meet the original lover boy! You're sending her without officially marrying her??? Etc. etc. etc.

So Namo and me both get a little giddy with all the attention and he starts - "You're not going. You are going to stay in Mumbai with me"

"If you don't want me going anywhere, put a ring on it!" I quote Sasha Fierce.

"Let's go."

"Really? Right now? Chalo."

With neither of us backing down - I tell my boss - I'm getting engaged and coming back in 20 mins.

He tells my boss to tell his boss, if she comes around asking (Has Chelsea influenced him again and made him stop working?) that he's gone to become Mr. Saldanha.

Everyone is seriously laughing and confused. Whispers of "Are they mad? Is this a joke? Are they doing this for real?" but ignoring all the nonsense we ran out hand in hand...

This was my real 'Owl and Pussycat' moment... *sigh - finally*

We actually got into a rick - and got off right outside Popleys. I love walking past them, never dreaming I'd actually walk into one - go to the diamond section (second floor).

It's a different story that Namo thought I was a good deal cause I wanted just one small solitaire with no fuss. (Soch kitna paisa bachega honeymoon ke liye!)

I actually tried out four diamond rings. And we both are giggling. We couldn't figure out the difference between the 65g and the 35g one - both looked similar except the price was the catch.

I'm waiting for him to call it off but he's actually all gung-ho about the whole thing. Until I finally said, "Let's get Mousambi here to decide if it's worth it since we both have no clue." Finally, I had to drag him out with him yelling at the top of his voice about giving him dhoka at the last moment. "You're giving me full taang like this."

So to throw the ball in his court, I told him to break up with his GF of forever and I'd drop Hyderabad and come and pick the ring myself with him in the evening.

Lol - he called his GF just as I was about to leave for Hyderabad. I stepped out on the streets with my backpack and he dials her number.

"Baby, I need to tell you something. I'm in love with Chelsea and want to marry her. I'm breaking up with you."

Two seconds silence.

"DON'T PLAY WITH ME LIKE THIS. WHAT ARE YOU SAYING... (*^%$%(*#$@#$%*&*&^^#)... PHONE DISCONNECTS!!!

I'm like FUGG - CALL HER BACK RIGHT NOW!!!!!

He scrambles to dial her number again and as soon as she picks up, I'm yelling at him to say - SORRY AND I LOVE YOU - say it about 10 times till it sinks in to her that she's the only one!!!

Idiot.

I give him one wack and a hug and I leave.

I'm sitting in the bus and a ping comes in: Darling, you left me alone... any way enjoy Hyd and miss me and come soon. We have to get married and lastly, Happy Holi!

I actually had happy tears. I guess this is the closest I'll ever come to being engaged and it's a wonderful feeling.

A heartfelt thank you to a real supportive, confident, amazing, beautiful GF who knows she has absolutely no competition in an old fart like me.

Thank you for sharing Namo with me... XXX