'Wash Me' Diaries: That's What She\He Said!

The happiest moments are what you try and remember from every vacation. When you felt wild and free and laughed until your belly button hurt.

So what did the magic hold for me this time?

The gorgeous alcesian sitting on the dio, Chetan 1 and Chetan 2... Belly dancing @ Thalassa, searching for ruch without my glasses on in the water and video recording a random stranger thinking it's XXX, dancing on the beach like mad, forget the men... checking out the ladies, going up to the jock and telling him he was cute only to be told, "this is not a rejection" fuck you A-hole, meeting people and being my friendly best, what's life without zipping around on a bike, the very pregnant snake (or was that a fat full-filling dinner?), non stop chatter chatter, the one and only... Kishore Kumar, the very soulful and jazzy Cantera, the wind in my hair, free drinks and a divine blueberry cheesecake, Philippe the K-surfing king, jiving with Morris and Robin, getting lost at U-turns, morning and evening strolls on the heavenly shores, friendly doggies, even friendlier 'gais', fighting with 'black brief' Russians, Cadbury taking me for a run, itchy thighs, dealing with a sty, breathing in purity of mind, spirit and soul, ride an hour for sausage rice, whatsapp in a bottle, the double joints, learnings from f*r*i*e*n*d*s, that's what she/he said moments, Firestone walks, aleksandra Zec - wish I'd meet you sooner, burning with the sun and sand.... Wooohhoooo!

I silenced the beast within...

Read the signs and Live your dream. Fight or Flight?

Your. Time. Is. Now.

The loneliest girl in the world VS the girl the world forgot

"Where's the good in goodbye? Where's the soul in soldiering in?" Frightened to go back. Dunno what's waiting for me out there. That's where my demon hides... But does he even recognise me anymore?

The ache comes in spasms and most of the time just consumes in totality. So difficult to fight it especially when I think about it all. I love but I don't own your love. Love needs to be given freely. If your love is who you own and vice versa, that's when you fear losing each other. That's when it all falls apart. That's when you become insecure, guarded, bitter. Love someone in their entirety but when you have the ability to walk away with your head held high, that is the purest form of happiness.

I know I'm not the loneliest girl in the world and I'm definitely not the girl the world forgot... But I'm definitely the girl the world can do without 'or' can live without.

Reminder: 2-3-4 = 6 + Guna, Ya? + Mi Award + you're being selfish + I choose xxx + WYWM to YWNM + you won't understand + don't ever disrespect me + do u wanna build a snowman + it's not possible + I have made my decision.

You were my biggest mistake, and yet my favorite lesson.

Note to self: I know that wherever my heart is, there will I find my treasure.

'Wash Me' Diaries: Day 10

Time to get back to the grind but not before a few learnings on this solo and yet soulful journey. Life can be as chaotic and complex as you can imagine it to be. Yet everyone must follow their own path no matter how battered and worn down it may appearsl. So, if you ever feel like you're on the edge of the unknown, find new roads, build a bridge, get off the road that seems comfortable even when you know you're way off track, look for the signs. Find a road that loves you and one that you'll love back. Don't always stick to your path. Take a detour once in a while. I promise you, it will be a journey of a lifetime. I love you. With every beat of my heart. Amen.

'Wash Me' Diaries: Day 9

Spoke to self. Calmness in the soul. No more battles except those to keep me sane and whole. Silence and positivity can take one far off you just remember to breathe. Don't let the sun go down on you... Even when the night is darkest. Close your eyes... And you'll see that even in the dark there is light. Free your being. With every beat of your heart. Keep smiling.

'Wash Me' Diaries: Day 8

Fell down, got back up. Fell again, held on to the hand offered and stood up. Fell hard one more time, no support, had to fight to get out alive. Every storm you battle will pass as long as you never give up hope. Keep fighting. Sometimes... There's just no way to hold back the tide. As Ruch said wisely: Even still waters run very deep.

'Wash Me' Diaries: Day 2

K-surfed my heart out. Learned a new skill... Filling my soul with new things... Trying to keep my head high and chin up. First class... Towards the end when I felt I was doing a little better, l lose concentration... Got pulled back into the past. Struggled to pull myself together and ended class on a poor note... Again and again and again. Killing me softly.

'Wash Me' Diaries: Day 7

When I'm happy, I can take over the world. When I'm sad, I can bring the world to its knees. That's the power of a smile. I always get what I want but it's never permanent. If I stay away it's considered a crime but I can't seem to strike a balance. Scratched the surface thoroughly and yet I'm stubborn enough to not want peace. I thrive in the chaos and misery. Pain completes me. I know what I gotta do going forward... It's just another ball game that I don't want to be indifferent.

'Wash Me' Diaries: Day 6

Locked up deep inside where the eye can't see or which the wind can't set free. Silence silence silence... who knows what is right and what is wrong? Who decides? Who can set me free? Where have all the flowers gone... Nightingale, sing us a song... Of a love that once belonged.

'Wash Me' Diaries: Day 5

Want to build a snowman in the sand... So desperately. Breathe the positivity till it consumes you in its entirety being. Fighting a lonely battle but it's best done this way. No one to bear the pain or to get any gain.

'Wash Me' Diaries: Day 4

Focussing on staying positive. Keeping the mind as blank as I can. Pinching helps. Smiling and laughing with random strangers makes my heart skip an erratic beat... Makes you feel lighter. Trying to be happy again. Not an easy task since I am determined to be my miserable best. Staying away from trouble but trouble always follows. So scared of showing my personality. It's always, all 'fucking' ways, taken as a double entrée. Try as I might, I can't get people to stay the fuck away from me. Don't wanna get into trouble again. Better off alone. Learned that, it's easier to run away. Battered. Beaten. Broken. Signing off... The loneliest girl in the world.

'Wash Me' Diaries: Day 3

Ruch comforts me... Like no other. XXX presence is like a balm on my withered mind and soul. Trying to keep pace with XXX zest for life does get infectious. Can't stop thanking the Man above for sending XXX into my life. XXX keeps me grounded... like Danda and Chintukli. Desperately aiming to get into a comfortably numb zone. Can't get zonaed for some reason... One month to date. Tick tock. Silence the clock. Please forget.

'Wash Me' Diaries: Day 1

After landing realised may be this wasn't the place to be on holiday... Couples paradise. fuck. never felt lonelier. Oh wait I have. All the fucking time. First sight of the beach... In love. Silence all around me. Good to be among foreigners. I can disappear in the lonely silence. Sleep is a nightmare.